DOG BITES MAN IS NOT NEWS: MAN BITES DOG IS
We've all done it. It's the middle of the night and you wake up with a thick head following an evening of trying to see how close you can get to alcohol poisoning without actually dying, and you fancy a snack. Fearing the wrath of the local law enforcers, you wisely avoid a trip to the fast-food place and head instead for the fridge. But all you can see is a carton of milk, three eggs of indeterminate age, and a large green mound of something that has possibly evolved from a piece of abandoned food from the last Ice Age.

So what do you do? You eat the dog!

Well, maybe you haven't done this, but Paea Taufu, a Tongan-born New Zealand resident was caught by animal protection agencies in the process of pit-roasting his pit bull. Apparently in Tonga, it's not unusual to eat dogs - or other animals. according to Taufu's wife, Lupi, "Dog, horse, we eat it in Tonga. It's good food for us." Especially when roasted in the traditional Umi pit-barbecue style.


Fortunately for Taufu - but not the dog - he committed no crime, except infringing on his neighbor's sense of taste. Derek Haddy of the local Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) said, "I find it quite disturbing that someone would kill a pet and then eat it. I'm not okay with that but unfortunately the law allows you to do it."

Claiming he was unaware that eating dogs is not a common feature if the Kiwi lifestyle, Taufu has promised not to eat any more dogs in the future.

He said nothing about cats.

POSTSCRIPT
In an article by Yahoo News on this topic, the unnamed writer described the SPCA as the "Society for the Protection of Cruelty to Animals." Now there's a Freudian slip to savor!

CELL PHONES ARE DANGEROUS: ESPECIALLY FLAT BATTERIES
Using cell phones while driving has been shown to be a major contributor to road accidents. But it's not just while you're on the move that danger lurks just behind you.

55-year-old Romanian road construction engineer, Gheorghe Christinel, was working on laying down the asphalt on a new road in the town of Timisoara. But during what appears to have been an unsanctioned break, he whipped out his cell phone to chat with some.

Tragically, he was so engrossed in the conversation that he failed to near an approaching road roller - 20 tons of metal that was reversing in his direction. The driver failed to see Christinel and the inevitable happened; he was killed under the rollers.

A posthumous (aren't they all?) award is probably in the offing.

IS THAT A MAGIC WAND OR ARE YOU JUST PLEASED TO SEE ME?
Everyone loves a good magic trick. Whether it involves the close-up manipulation of a few cards or the dismemberment and scattering of 300 elephants in Central Park, we are all suckers for illusions. However, it pays for the magician to be a little sensitive when it comes to audience participation.

Not so Rajeev Patel, a street magician from Berhampur in India. As a small crowd gathered, eager with anticipation to be thrilled by some amazing feat of prestidigitation, Patel invited a young boy to help him with a trick. The magic was to turn a simple piece of clay into a delicious sweet. And to make this happen, Patel pulled the boys trousers down.


Apparently, Patel was practicing some unfamiliar brand of Indian magic that only works when genitals are exposed. Young boys' genitals at that.

It seems that although Patel was blithely indifferent to exposing some kids meat and two veg in public, the assembled crowd turned ugly. It might have been OK if the trick had actually worked, but after a number of attempts, all the boy had to show for all the trouble was his tackle, tush, and a lump of mud.

The watchers got angry and a riot ensued and the police had to be called in. Patel was escorted away and had to leave town.

...AND HOW ABOUT A DOCTORATE IN SLEEPING?
It seems that education in the UK is not quite as hard as it used to be. Apparently students can get certified not only in mathematics, physic, biochemistry, and English literature, but also receive an award for catching a bus.

The Youth Support Services in Bury, England, offer a course called Using Public Transport (Unit 1), which tests an individual's ability to (a) walk to the local bus stop, (b) stand or sit at a bus stop, (c) wait for the arrival of a public bus, (d) sit on the bus and (e) observe through the windows. A comprehensive education indeed.


According to a recent article in the UK's Daily Telegraph, Bobby McHale was one of 920 pupils on the council-run Bury and Rochdale Activity Generation outdoor activities scheme who managed to become proficient in catching a bus. Presumably unsuccessful candidates are those who do such things as (a) walk under a bus, (b) wait, but fail to get on, (c) hang upside down from the hand bars rather than use a chair, or (d) fail to get off a bus and who are presumably found dead once the smell causes passengers to complain.

Which is less funny when you realize that Bobby's 13-year-old brother, Joe, failed to get the qualification. Presumably he doesn't got around much.

In an effort to justify the certification, Youth Support Services Manager, Barbara Lewis, said: "This certificate isn't just about getting on the bus, it's about time management, working out bus routes and for some people, traveling alone for the first time."

I suppose after managing to use a train you can get a Masters degree, and taking a flight gets you your Doctorate. And having caught a train to an airport and then successfully flown on two flights, I'm expecting my full Professorship to be arriving in the mail very soon.

ANOTHER "FRUIT OF THE LOOM" AD WINNER
The recent pairing of the Fruit of the Loom guys with Vince Gill to sing "Apple of my Eye" has to be one of the smartest ads of the past few months at least. The slow, emotional build-up to the chorus that gets interrupted by a cell phone is hilarious.

Now if you want to see the full song minus the phone, here it is, courtesy of YouTube.

DRUGS=PROBATION; YAWNING=JAIL TIME. IS THE LAW STILL AN ASS?
The Chicago Tribune recently reported on the case of one Clifton Williams, a 33-year-old who was watching cousin Jason Mayfield plead guilty to a drug charge. Unlike TV and movie court cases, where thins are exciting and happen in under 60 minutes, real court cases can be a little... tepid. So at one point, Williams let out a yawn that was loud enough to catch the attention and ire of the judge.

So while Judge Daniel Rozak sentenced Mayfield to two years' probation for the drug charge, he then sentenced Williams to six months in jail. That's right, six months for yawning - and the guy wasn't even on trial!


While the unjailed Mayfield commented that it was "not an outrageous yawn," Chuck Pelkie, from the state's attorney office, insisted: "It was not a simple yawn - it was a loud and boisterous attempt to disrupt the proceedings."

And although there is a belief that (a) the Law is impartial and (b) there is liberty and justice available for all, all this case shows - yet again - is that a judge can pretty well do whatever he or she wants without censure. And if folks can get probation for drugs and jail for yawning, then that pretty much puts paid to any idea of "justice" and "let the punishment fit the crime."

Granted Williams was released after three weeks, but not without a "stern lecture" from the "judge," who is presumably accustomed to getting his way and enjoys the power being able to do as he pleases to other people. Williams shouldn't have spent a day in jail.

So if you ever find yourself at the trial of a serial killer, make sure you don't have a cold or you could find yourself sneezing your way to the electric chair.

HOW NOT TO SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE - IN A CHURCH
Nigeria is not just the home of Internet scammers but kinky sex partners. One Nigerian couple has been fined for having sex on the altar of their local church. According to the Daily Metro newspaper, Tolu Akintepe, 30, and wife Bunmi, 28, told a judge they were trying to spice up their love life.


They were caught in the act by the pastor of the small Pentecostal church in Ikeja, a suburb of Lagos. Pastor Gbenga Akhiomu demanded they pay £100 damages for desecrating the altar. He also wanted them to clean the altar and pray for forgiveness.

To courtroom laughter, the couple told Judge Ifeanyinwa Okenwa that they had been married for four years and their love life had gone stale.

"My wife was always saying she wanted me to spice up our sex life in an unusual way," said Mr Akintepe. "I thought it would be thrilling if we did it in the church, having the big guy upstairs watching us. I thought it was a little adventurous. I told my wife, and she loved the idea."

Judge Ifeanyinwa Okenwa warned the couple to have more respect for religious institutions.

He ordered them to pay £100 compensation. The couple volunteered to also clean the whole church for one week. Clean the whole church? What sort of mess did they make?!

CHRISTMAS HIT FOR POPE BENEDICT?
OK, so maybe it's not going to be a rap album, a dance extravaganza, or even a jazz-style lounge lizard interpretation of the Good Book, but Pope Benedict XVI (or just "X V" to his rapper crew) is signed up on the Geffen label for a mix of chants and litanies. And he's in good company. Geffen have also released CDs for Snoop Dogg - so maybe there's a duet in the pipeline? Benny and the Dogg?


The tracks have already been laid down. Benny "the Papa" was recorded in St Peter's Basilica along with the Choir of the Philharmonic Academy of Rome. In post production, music by the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra will be added.

The Benster will also be rapping some biblical passages, possibly mixed down by Dr. Dre and the occasional "yey-ah" from Lil' Jon.

"... and here's one called 'Da Shiznit from da Mount' going out to all my niggaz and bitches..."

Or maybe not...

"MIDNIGHT COWBOY" TO NAKED COWBOY - THE NEW MAYOR OF NY?
Robert Burck is a new name in politics - but not a new name in naked buskers. Currently, Burck can pull in a cool - or sometimes cold - $1000 per day by entertaining New York City residents and visitors by dressing in cowboy boots and a hat, and hanging his guitar strategically.

Dizzy with his estimated annual salary of over $250,000, he's now decided to extend his role to include running the city as Mayor of New York. Which is no small task. Burck is up against millionaire incumbent, Michael Bloomberg, whose multi-million dollar campaign may outstrip Burck financially. But Bloomberg is unlikely to be shedding his suit to outstrip Burck physically.


In one of his first campaign speeches to the UK's Sky News organization, Burck said, "No one knows how to do more with less than yours truly. And that's the kind of thinking I plan on sharing with my fellow New Yorkers when you elect me."

Doubtless the voters of New York City will be looking forward to finding out more about Robert Burck and what he has to offer. So far, he seems to have little to hide and so long as the weather stays warm, he's at least getting to persuade thousands of people every day. However, should the election go into winter...

GAY PENGUINS JUST AS FICKLE AS STRAIGHT
Despite claims by religious fundamentalists that being gay is a choice and that homosexuality only exists in humans, it seems that penguins can also "bat for the other team" and even swing both ways.

At the San Francisco Zoo (where else?) two male penguins, Pepper and Harry, have been sharing a pool as partners for over six years. During that time, both appear to have been faithful and been the very model of gay penguins. Alas, it seems that Harry is not gay but bisexual and has decided to leave Pepper for a female penguin, Linda.


Linda herself has had her fair share of tragedy in that she was happily paired with a male penguin until recently, when her partner died, leaving Linda with a broken heart and ne'er a beak to cry on. Enter Harry, a compassionate and caring soul who took her under his wing - literally - and has now become her new partner.

Pepper has been unavailable to squawk but curator Harrison Edell revealed that following her widowhood, Linda was left with two nests and lots of space within the penguin community. She was, in fact, something of a penguin real estate mogul! As Edell says, "For penguins, real estate means a lot. So as far as penguins go, she was a pretty attractive prospect."

Sometimes, it's tragic to find out just how much the animal kingdom can mimic the human condition.

"THE" WEDDING DANCE VIRAL VIDEO
Before everyone and their dog decide that "they can do better," you should check out this YouTube offering from Minnesota newly-weds Kevin Heinz and Jill Peterson. It's the sort of thing that can really only be done once; any that now follow will simply be copycat wannabees.



Please, please - don't try to do this at your own wedding. It's funny once, and once only ;)

YOU PUT WHAT ON FACEBOOK?
The dangers of online social networks have been stated over and over again to the point that anyone who is surprised that their personal details are used against them deserves to be hit with a Stupid stick. Stories of folks who seem to think is is OK to share their last binge drinking session with their MySpace "friends," only to then discover that teachers and potential employers find out are legion.

The notion that Facebook, MySpace, Ning, and other networks are PUBLIC seems to be way to complicated for some folks to grasp. Although it is certainly the case that people are less formal on a social networking site, they still need to remember that everything they say or show is open to the world.

So imagine the surprise of a 31-year-old nun from Turin, Italy, who discovered that her ex-boyfriend had posted naked pictures of her to his Facebook page. The photos were taken during a vacation in the summer of 2006, before she took to the veil.


The nun is now suing her boyfriend who says he posted the pictures to stop her from becoming a bride of Christ. According to her lawyer, Anna Orecchioni, "My client doesn't want money, she only wants that he respects her decision to become a nun."

However, it seems that the nude nun might just work in the church's favor. According to one wag who posted a comment on the pictures, "If all the nuns are like that, I want to become a priest."

Someone should remind him what the word "celibacy" means.

AN IPHONE APP TOO FAR? OR DEAD ACCURATE MARKETING?
There was a time that remembering the dearly departed meant erecting a tombstone and making a visit every now and again to decorate the grave with flowers. The advent of the Internet Age then added on the option to create a web page memorial that could include all manner of media add-ons such as pictures, music, videos etc. At least visitors could go through the full multimedia memorial.

But now it's possible to keep your loved ones in your pocket, thanks to a new iPhone-based application called the Pocket Cemetery. For the totally affordable price of $2.99, you can, "create memorials for dead loved ones or anyone you want to memorialize including relatives, friends, pets and celebrities." Fluffy the kitten may well have been taken from you unexpectedly by a reversing garbage truck, but with Pocket Cemetery, you can create a tribute that will enshrine him in all his mewling and purring glory.


As for celebrities, you can already find Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Billy Mays.

DIY SURGERY NOT RECOMMENDED
We've all seen the TV and movie trick of using a pen for an emergency tracheotomy. And no, a pencil won't do if you can't find a pen. Similarly when the hero loses a limb, he manfully unstraps his belt and wraps it around the stump, thereby stemming the flow of blood.

But there are limits both mentally and practically. And the limit was crossed at the end of June, 2009, by an unnamed young man from Stevenage in the UK. Following a call to the emergency services, the man was taken to the Lister Hospital with wounds to his penis. For an as-yet undisclosed - and possibly unfathomed - reason, the Bris-happy boy decided to snip off his foreskin using the closest surgical tool to hand: a pair of nail clippers.

According to a Master-of-the-Obvious medic, "This is something we would advise men never to attempt. The results can be quite horrific and long-lasting and have quite an affect on a man's sexual performance." Well no shit, Sherlock!

He went on to say, "Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand." Having experienced, like most men, a "zipper malfunction" in the past, this is clearly an understatement. Snipping away methodically at "the Hooded Man" is not exactly the sort of thing most sane men think of doing, drunk or not.



Still, maybe there's a fortune to be made by re-branding nail clippers as "field surgical technology. Any takers?

AL QAEDA FASHIONISTAS ANNOUNCE "COLOR ME BLACK" RANGE FOR FALL... AND FOREVER
The Paris runways will be highlighting the latest in burqa-wear this Fall - or perhaps not, depending on how the French government want to respond to the wacky fashionistas of Al Qaeda.

In a statement by Abu Musab Abdul Wadud, the self-styled "commander of Al Qaeda in North Africa" - whose idea of style includes sackcloth and head bandages - the terrorist group have vowed to "take revenge on France by every means and wherever we can reach them" because of a debate in France over whether the burqa, a traditional Islamic woman's covering.

The burqa, which typically comes in black, black, and a fetching black, is a one-piece that covers a woman from head to toe so that she doesn't inflame the animal passions of a man. Apparently a glimpse of ankle can turn a Muslim man into a slobbering, deranged, sex-crazed monster - and it's the woman's fault. Hence the burqa.


Abu Musab continues to rant on about how the French are "committing all of these grievances in a time when we see their women flooding our nations, filling our shores, poorly dressed and nude in a deliberate defiance to the feelings of Muslims and in clear contempt to the teachings of the Islamic faith, traditions and norms."

Notice the note of tolerance here. Apparently it's wrong to offend Muslim sensibilities but OK to kill folks who do it.

"Our Muslim brothers in France in particular and in Europe in general are increasingly troubled by the practices of the French politicians and their leaders, and their constant harassment of our people regarding the burqa issue. Yesterday they targeted the veil, today the burqa and maybe tomorrow their evil hands could be extended to defame our pillars of faith, like praying, fasting or the pilgrimage."

Actually, I'd be all for helping them fast until they starved to death and send them on a long pilgrimage across the Pacific on foot. And if France is so decadent, I'm surprised Al Qaeda's "brothers" who live there have not moved back to the caves to cuddle up with Abu and his men.

This all follows (a) the run up to Fall fashion week and (b) a statement last week by President Nicolas Sarkozy who said that, "The problem of the burqa is not a religious problem. This is an issue of a woman's freedom and dignity. This is not a religious symbol. It is a sign of subservience; it is a sign of lowering. I want to say solemnly, the burqa is not welcome in France."

Well, not unless it can be reworked in chiffon or silk and come in a plethora of exciting new colors.
Lil' Kim models the Jean Paul Gaultier burqa in silk

ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA
There's a lot of money to be made in the Alternative Medicine industry. And for "alternative," be prepared to use the word "quack" in many cases. After all, if saliva is a tonic, then what's wrong with magnetic bracelets, iridology, homeopathy, and toad licking?

Come to think of it, what's wrong with boiling someone's head and turning it into a soup to cure psychiatric illness? Well, nothing unless it happens to be your head!

In the southwestern province of Sichuan, China, resident Lin Zongxiu heard that a sure fire way to cure her daughter's mental problems was to serve her some head stew, preferably as fresh as possible. So Zongxiu and her husband enlisted the help of an unwilling 76-year-old who happened to go by their house. They knocked him unconscious, decapitated him, and made head soup. They then fed their 25-year-old daughter a delicious, heaped-up helping of cooked pate - and that's really "pate," not "paté." Apparently they tossed in a little duck to add extra flavor - but no word on how willing the duck was.


Not surprisingly, the daughter failed to be cured and Zongxiu and her husband ended up in court and charged with murder - or is that "gastronomicide?" Lin was fortunate in that she was only charged with helping to hide evidence but the husband was sentenced to death but then given a two-year reprieve. If he avoids lopping off any more heads in over the next two years, he may be simply have life imprisonment.

Let's hope that this fad doesn't catch on too extensively in the West. Still, it would be interesting to see what the 30-minutes infomercial might look like!

WHEN PETS GO WILD!
The Australian outback; the plains of the Serengeti; the jungles of Peru; all dangerous places filled with dangerous wild animals. Heavy with the scent of death and terror, these environments can take away the life of an unwary traveler in seconds, their flesh torn apart as they scream their last. Nature red in tooth and claw lets loose her most fearsome creatures in these cauldrons of violence.

So now add Clapham, England, to the list of terrifying landscapes. Well, if you are an employee of the Royal Mail. It seems that the management of the UK’s postal service has taken a stand on attacks by wild kittens; more specifically on Illy, the most dangerous pussy on the street.


Following a mauling by the furious feline, a postal worker suffered severe scratches as she popped the post into the letterbox of Ken (65), and Bradley (30) Ridge. She reported the incident to her superiors who acted with speed to inform the Ridges of Illy’s savage attack.

“I am writing to let you know that, on June 6, our postman was attacked by your animal in your premises while delivering mail to your address. Animal attacks are a major cause of injury to Royal Mail staff and so I am writing to seek your co-operation in preventing a repeat of this unfortunate incident. I must advise you that, if any further incidents of this nature are allowed to take place, I shall have no alternative other than to consider suspending the delivery of mail to your home.”

So wrote Mayo Sonubi, a Royal Mail manager and Protector of the Post. Although a hunting party was not suggested at this stage, the Royal Mail records some 5000 animal attacks each year, which is more than the number of shark attacks in the world or people killed on safari. Clearly the UK is a dangerous place to live – especially if you are a postie.

Tourists may want to note that Illy is still at large in Clapham and should avoid the area unless supported by a hunting party, several Land Rovers, and a double-barreled shotgun.

NO SON, IT'S A TOILET, NOT A SHOWER
Kids. You gotta love 'em. Unless, that is, you're a puppy. or more specifically, unless you're the puppy owned by the Blair family in England. It seems that their three-year-old son, Daniel, is quite the budding scientist. He clearly knew that a shower is essentially a blast of water that is used to clean people. He also knew that a toilet provides a blast of water. If you have a dirty puppy that is too small for a shower, what might be another option?

Yes, you're right - Daniel popped the tiny one-week-old Cocker Spaniel pup into the bowl and flushed vigorously. The hapless hound was small enough to get washed down the pipes and ended up some 20 yards away underground.

A call to the local Dyno-Rod folks brought plumber Will Craig to the house, armed with some specialist equipment that allowed him to send a camera to the location of the pup. He was then able to push it toward the nearest manhole and take him out.



Apart from being a little wet and bedraggled - and maybe psychologically scarred for life - the only lasting trauma is likely to be adjusting to his new name: Dyno, after the drain-cleaning company that rescued him.

Next time, the Blair's should find a pet that doesn't fit down a toilet. Or flush little Daniel's head in the bowl so he can find out that is isn't a shower!

FLORIDA POLICE PROVIDE SPECIAL SUNBLOCK - AN SUV!
As global warming continues to fuel the profits of companies who make sunblock, the dangers of tanning still fail to dissuade people from soaking up the sun on Floridian beaches. Trying to get get beautiful tanned girls in bikinis to leave the seashores is not only difficult but unpopular with 50% of the world's population.


Enter one of Jacksonville's finest, Officer Lewis Keller, and bathing beauty Anne Marie Griffin. While innocently idling on Jacksonville Beach in sunny Florida, Griffin was hit by Officer Keller's SUV. And for "hit" read "run over at speed.

Apparently, Officer Keller was tooling down the beach in his police patrol SUV (as you do) and he did a U-turn - right over the hapless tanner. Keller and a volunteer had to lift the SUV off of her while others pulled her out.

Griffin ended up with head and spinal injuries, along with a broken pelvis and crushed ribs. The SUV was unharmed.

After an internal investigation found him "negligent" and "not driving safely," Keller was given 70 hours of suspension, which is equal to seven days because officers at the Jacksonville Beach Police Department work 10-hour shifts. He was suspended without pay two days last week and will forfeit 50 hours of vacation time.

And why was the officer driving on the beach? Chasing a murderer? Hunting down an armed gang member? Nope, apparently, "Keller was making a U-turn on the shoreline near 14th Avenue South to return to a case of unopened bottled beer."

As if Florida bathers didn't have enough to worry about with sunburn, skin cancer, and sharks - now they have to keep an eye open for rogue trucks!

SOMETHING TO DROOL OVER? I THINK NOT!
Add the following story to the "Why, for the love of God, Why?" folder.

A Chinese internet entrepreneur simply named Zhou has been banned by one of China's eBay lookalikes, taobao.com. It seems that Zhou was selling bottle of saliva harvested from pretty 18-year-old girls at a stunning $2.00 per bottle. His spin is that the bodily fluid acts as a "tonic," though details as to how this might be the case are not forthcoming.

In an effort to promote some notion of "truth in advertising," Zhao did include pictures on the web site showing the girls from whom the spit was taken. Apparently he believed that including the graphics would enhance sales. Which turned out to be zero.


The trading site deleted the listing after complaints from web surfers, although it's hard to imagine what exactly they were complaining about and why they were checking out the latest saliva sales in the first place. I mean, how do you accidentally stumble across a market for teenage girl spit! Braver readers may want to turn "Safe Browsing" off and use Google to search for "Teenage girl spit" and hypothesize how the complainers found the site.

Undeterred by censure and a stunning lack of any sales, Zhou says he is now turning to drool as an alternative product. This is collected from sleeping teenage girls and, as with regular spit, bottled for consumption. As we know, drool and saliva are chemically the same product, but with the right amount of marketing spin and hype, who knows how well Zhou could do this time.

HOLY CRAP! THAT'S ONE EXPENSIVE POOPER!
If you find yourself in Boston and in dire need of backing out the brown Volvo, try and delay the inevitable while you find the Christopher Columbus Park toilet. And as you drop your coins into the slot and log into the bowl, bear in mind that the facilities you are using cost a cool $300,000. And change, I suspect.

Because of a series of "complications," Boston's Director of Street Furniture, Peter O'Sullivan revealed that it took about two years to build the lavatory.

"This was the perfect storm," O'Sullivan said. "There were more complications on this one than on any toilet we've worked on." No shit, Sherlock! Well, not for two years at least.

What is also telling it that apparently, the $300,000 tag turns out to have been only $50,000 over budget. This means the regular price for a privy is $250,000 - which sounds worse if you say "a quarter of a million!" Unless the seats are gold plated and rather than piped music you get a Boston Symphony Orchestra live while you're cleaning the tuba, this seems like a stunningly high price to pay.

The good news is that the pricey plumbing is not coming out of tax payers' pockets but the private sector. According to Michael Galvin, chief of public property and construction management, the money comes from a company that has exclusive advertising rights in the loo.

That's a hell of a lot of shit to be passed before they get a return on investment.

GIVING IT ANOTHER WHIRL
The last posting to The Naked Bystander was over a year ago. I got busy doing other stuff. But a chance posting by someone called Beth has spurred me to resurrecting the site.

"Please revive your blog - you are exceptionally witty and enjoyable to read!"

I am realistic enough to know that for every one person who considers what I write "exceptionally witty and enjoyable to read," hundreds of others would disagree, and tens of thousands have never even read anything by me. Still, I am also narcissistic enough to think that if ONE person likes what I do, then maybe there are OTHERS waiting in the wings.

So I'm going to write for two people; me, and the wing-waiters.

The second thing that the Bystander lacks is promotion. In an blogosphere that has more offerings than Starbucks has stores, the competition for readers' attention is huge. Without marketing, a blog is nothing more than an open journal for the egotistical and narcissistic. And that includes me.

I'll also be cross-marketing with my other blog, The Word Guy, which has a presence on Twitter and Facebook. Between The Naked Bystander and The Word Guy, I'll be able to cover the two things I really enjoy in life; absurdity and language.

So re-bookmark the site and let's see if I can keep your attention with a selection of the weird and the wonderful from the world-at-large.

And thank you, Beth!