tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59034972024-03-13T06:53:37.571-05:00The Naked BystanderNaked (nei-kid) a. and sb. Free from concealment or reserve; straightforward.
Bystander (by-stan-der) n. Chance spectator; onlooker.Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.comBlogger127125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-16634746369334366152009-08-24T23:59:00.003-05:002009-08-25T00:19:37.153-05:00DOG BITES MAN IS NOT NEWS: MAN BITES DOG ISWe've all done it. It's the middle of the night and you wake up with a thick head following an evening of trying to see how close you can get to alcohol poisoning without actually dying, and you fancy a snack. Fearing the wrath of the local law enforcers, you wisely avoid a trip to the fast-food place and head instead for the fridge. But all you can see Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-89339525433258499052009-08-22T00:40:00.000-05:002009-08-25T00:54:34.367-05:00CELL PHONES ARE DANGEROUS: ESPECIALLY FLAT BATTERIESUsing cell phones while driving has been shown to be a major contributor to road accidents. But it's not just while you're on the move that danger lurks just behind you.55-year-old Romanian road construction engineer, Gheorghe Christinel, was working on laying down the asphalt on a new road in the town of Timisoara. But during what appears to Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-86223898514881907812009-08-20T00:22:00.002-05:002009-08-25T00:37:44.601-05:00IS THAT A MAGIC WAND OR ARE YOU JUST PLEASED TO SEE ME?Everyone loves a good magic trick. Whether it involves the close-up manipulation of a few cards or the dismemberment and scattering of 300 elephants in Central Park, we are all suckers for illusions. However, it pays for the magician to be a little sensitive when it comes to audience participation.Not so Rajeev Patel, a street magician from Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-81011025130153373132009-08-16T22:43:00.005-05:002009-08-16T23:18:15.222-05:00...AND HOW ABOUT A DOCTORATE IN SLEEPING?It seems that education in the UK is not quite as hard as it used to be. Apparently students can get certified not only in mathematics, physic, biochemistry, and English literature, but also receive an award for catching a bus.The Youth Support Services in Bury, England, offer a course called Using Public Transport (Unit 1), which tests an individual's Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-20549067737090562722009-08-14T23:18:00.002-05:002009-08-16T23:32:20.202-05:00ANOTHER "FRUIT OF THE LOOM" AD WINNERThe recent pairing of the Fruit of the Loom guys with Vince Gill to sing "Apple of my Eye" has to be one of the smartest ads of the past few months at least. The slow, emotional build-up to the chorus that gets interrupted by a cell phone is hilarious.Now if you want to see the full song minus the phone, here it is, courtesy of YouTube.Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-20807023358015757262009-08-11T23:35:00.001-05:002009-08-16T23:49:57.910-05:00DRUGS=PROBATION; YAWNING=JAIL TIME. IS THE LAW STILL AN ASS?The Chicago Tribune recently reported on the case of one Clifton Williams, a 33-year-old who was watching cousin Jason Mayfield plead guilty to a drug charge. Unlike TV and movie court cases, where thins are exciting and happen in under 60 minutes, real court cases can be a little... tepid. So at one point, Williams let out a yawn that Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-40762865299705598602009-08-06T23:54:00.000-05:002009-08-17T00:00:08.069-05:00HOW NOT TO SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE - IN A CHURCHNigeria is not just the home of Internet scammers but kinky sex partners. One Nigerian couple has been fined for having sex on the altar of their local church. According to the Daily Metro newspaper, Tolu Akintepe, 30, and wife Bunmi, 28, told a judge they were trying to spice up their love life.They were caught in the act by the pastor of the smallRussellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-86800203564578277092009-08-02T22:50:00.004-05:002009-08-02T23:07:54.041-05:00CHRISTMAS HIT FOR POPE BENEDICT?OK, so maybe it's not going to be a rap album, a dance extravaganza, or even a jazz-style lounge lizard interpretation of the Good Book, but Pope Benedict XVI (or just "X V" to his rapper crew) is signed up on the Geffen label for a mix of chants and litanies. And he's in good company. Geffen have also released CDs for Snoop Dogg - so maybe there's a duet in the Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-66430398528022291582009-07-27T23:12:00.000-05:002009-08-02T23:26:45.151-05:00"MIDNIGHT COWBOY" TO NAKED COWBOY - THE NEW MAYOR OF NY?Robert Burck is a new name in politics - but not a new name in naked buskers. Currently, Burck can pull in a cool - or sometimes cold - $1000 per day by entertaining New York City residents and visitors by dressing in cowboy boots and a hat, and hanging his guitar strategically.Dizzy with his estimated annual salary of over $250,000, he's Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1139176144752545672009-07-21T23:28:00.000-05:002009-08-02T23:41:35.867-05:00GAY PENGUINS JUST AS FICKLE AS STRAIGHTDespite claims by religious fundamentalists that being gay is a choice and that homosexuality only exists in humans, it seems that penguins can also "bat for the other team" and even swing both ways.At the San Francisco Zoo (where else?) two male penguins, Pepper and Harry, have been sharing a pool as partners for over six years. During that time, both Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-9227438389067017232009-07-19T00:13:00.001-05:002009-08-03T00:19:37.155-05:00"THE" WEDDING DANCE VIRAL VIDEOBefore everyone and their dog decide that "they can do better," you should check out this YouTube offering from Minnesota newly-weds Kevin Heinz and Jill Peterson. It's the sort of thing that can really only be done once; any that now follow will simply be copycat wannabees.Please, please - don't try to do this at your own wedding. It's funny once, and once only ;)Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-58739768825635885652009-07-16T23:51:00.001-05:002009-08-03T00:06:01.565-05:00YOU PUT WHAT ON FACEBOOK?The dangers of online social networks have been stated over and over again to the point that anyone who is surprised that their personal details are used against them deserves to be hit with a Stupid stick. Stories of folks who seem to think is is OK to share their last binge drinking session with their MySpace "friends," only to then discover that teachers and potential Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-16445844316312496722009-07-08T10:21:00.001-05:002009-07-11T10:35:30.336-05:00AN IPHONE APP TOO FAR? OR DEAD ACCURATE MARKETING?There was a time that remembering the dearly departed meant erecting a tombstone and making a visit every now and again to decorate the grave with flowers. The advent of the Internet Age then added on the option to create a web page memorial that could include all manner of media add-ons such as pictures, music, videos etc. At least visitors couldRussellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-62545050596684783712009-07-06T00:02:00.004-05:002009-07-06T00:20:20.149-05:00DIY SURGERY NOT RECOMMENDEDWe've all seen the TV and movie trick of using a pen for an emergency tracheotomy. And no, a pencil won't do if you can't find a pen. Similarly when the hero loses a limb, he manfully unstraps his belt and wraps it around the stump, thereby stemming the flow of blood.But there are limits both mentally and practically. And the limit was crossed at the end of June, 2009, Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-68831457697802945252009-06-30T23:32:00.006-05:002009-06-30T23:56:51.196-05:00AL QAEDA FASHIONISTAS ANNOUNCE "COLOR ME BLACK" RANGE FOR FALL... AND FOREVERThe Paris runways will be highlighting the latest in burqa-wear this Fall - or perhaps not, depending on how the French government want to respond to the wacky fashionistas of Al Qaeda.In a statement by Abu Musab Abdul Wadud, the self-styled "commander of Al Qaeda in North Africa" - whose idea of style includes sackclothRussellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-91016468369608955422009-06-27T00:54:00.003-05:002009-06-27T01:22:07.034-05:00ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEAThere's a lot of money to be made in the Alternative Medicine industry. And for "alternative," be prepared to use the word "quack" in many cases. After all, if saliva is a tonic, then what's wrong with magnetic bracelets, iridology, homeopathy, and toad licking?Come to think of it, what's wrong with boiling someone's head and turning it into a soup to Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-31092215201716067532009-06-23T11:26:00.003-05:002009-06-23T11:30:30.961-05:00WHEN PETS GO WILD!The Australian outback; the plains of the Serengeti; the jungles of Peru; all dangerous places filled with dangerous wild animals. Heavy with the scent of death and terror, these environments can take away the life of an unwary traveler in seconds, their flesh torn apart as they scream their last. Nature red in tooth and claw lets loose her most fearsome creatures in these Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-91801914033674219162009-06-18T23:20:00.003-05:002009-06-18T23:37:41.634-05:00NO SON, IT'S A TOILET, NOT A SHOWERKids. You gotta love 'em. Unless, that is, you're a puppy. or more specifically, unless you're the puppy owned by the Blair family in England. It seems that their three-year-old son, Daniel, is quite the budding scientist. He clearly knew that a shower is essentially a blast of water that is used to clean people. He also knew that a toilet provides a blast of Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-33458019157511632562009-06-14T16:54:00.005-05:002009-06-14T17:17:51.157-05:00FLORIDA POLICE PROVIDE SPECIAL SUNBLOCK - AN SUV!As global warming continues to fuel the profits of companies who make sunblock, the dangers of tanning still fail to dissuade people from soaking up the sun on Floridian beaches. Trying to get get beautiful tanned girls in bikinis to leave the seashores is not only difficult but unpopular with 50% of the world's population.Enter one of Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-90620281620357235522009-06-11T16:23:00.000-05:002009-06-14T16:40:19.812-05:00SOMETHING TO DROOL OVER? I THINK NOT!Add the following story to the "Why, for the love of God, Why?" folder.A Chinese internet entrepreneur simply named Zhou has been banned by one of China's eBay lookalikes, taobao.com. It seems that Zhou was selling bottle of saliva harvested from pretty 18-year-old girls at a stunning $2.00 per bottle. His spin is that the bodily fluid acts as a "tonic," Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-80017973037630201372009-06-08T00:58:00.003-05:002009-06-08T01:26:31.309-05:00HOLY CRAP! THAT'S ONE EXPENSIVE POOPER!If you find yourself in Boston and in dire need of backing out the brown Volvo, try and delay the inevitable while you find the Christopher Columbus Park toilet. And as you drop your coins into the slot and log into the bowl, bear in mind that the facilities you are using cost a cool $300,000. And change, I suspect.Because of a series of "complications," Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-32255647494738672112009-06-07T11:25:00.003-05:002009-06-07T11:44:46.467-05:00GIVING IT ANOTHER WHIRLThe last posting to The Naked Bystander was over a year ago. I got busy doing other stuff. But a chance posting by someone called Beth has spurred me to resurrecting the site."Please revive your blog - you are exceptionally witty and enjoyable to read!"I am realistic enough to know that for every one person who considers what I write "exceptionally witty and enjoyable to Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-10637311670535318202008-01-21T13:46:00.000-05:002008-01-21T14:05:24.167-05:00DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?Here's yet another example of where pride does indeed goeth before the proverbial fall. Or if you prefer a different metaphor, where egg sticks firmly to the face.The boffins of Berlin's police force have developed a very special theft-proof car. The vehicle is a triumph of German engineering; a BMW no less. And at an affordable $150,000 it's only to be expected that members Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-73470808109738191552008-01-17T12:40:00.000-05:002008-01-21T14:06:09.264-05:00MISERABLE PURITANS STRIKE AGAINThe Bystander could be accused of being obsessed with the notion of puritanical behavior and its dulling effect on the world's Happiness Quotient, but when new stories come to light on a daily basis about "someone" being "offended" and wanting to "save us" from the same offense, we remain unapologetic in our crusade.In a recent report in the UK's Sun tabloid, Russellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-51530455075773533302008-01-14T16:52:00.001-05:002008-01-14T17:07:25.104-05:00KISS THAT FROG - NO, REALLY, KISS THAT FROG!The picture alone is worth the effort. There are clearly people in this world who are mentally unhinged enough that they can get through life without getting killed or locked up. 52-year-old Tongsai Boommrungtai of Roi-Et in Thailand is one such person.Tongsai first met her Frog Prince as it hopped past her house with a chick in its capacious mouth. "IRussellhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00960201264415377290noreply@blogger.com1