We've all seen the TV and movie trick of using a pen for an emergency tracheotomy. And no, a pencil won't do if you can't find a pen. Similarly when the hero loses a limb, he manfully unstraps his belt and wraps it around the stump, thereby stemming the flow of blood.
But there are limits both mentally and practically. And the limit was crossed at the end of June, 2009, by an unnamed young man from Stevenage in the UK. Following a call to the emergency services, the man was taken to the Lister Hospital with wounds to his penis. For an as-yet undisclosed - and possibly unfathomed - reason, the Bris-happy boy decided to snip off his foreskin using the closest surgical tool to hand: a pair of nail clippers.
According to a Master-of-the-Obvious medic, "This is something we would advise men never to attempt. The results can be quite horrific and long-lasting and have quite an affect on a man's sexual performance." Well no shit, Sherlock!
He went on to say, "Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand." Having experienced, like most men, a "zipper malfunction" in the past, this is clearly an understatement. Snipping away methodically at "the Hooded Man" is not exactly the sort of thing most sane men think of doing, drunk or not.
Still, maybe there's a fortune to be made by re-branding nail clippers as "field surgical technology. Any takers?
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