DEAD BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - CHECK YOUR HEATING BILL
I've already told my kids that when I'm dead they should build a pyre in the back yard and have a weenie roast. Rather than stand around weeping in some gloomy church staring at a box, they ought to get a whole bunch of folks round for one hell of a party and roast weenies and marshmallows over my burning body.

This is my own special way of giving back to the community after my death.

But the good people of Dukinfield in Manchester, England, are already planning to reap the benefits of an energy recycling project that will give the newly departed the chance to cut down the energy bills of their fellow citizens.

As part of a pilot (light) project, Tameside council will modify one of their crematoria - and I prefer this plural form to the more common crematoriums - so that the heat generated by the temporary residents is used to heat the building itself. Rather than waste all the energy used in a standard cremation via some chimney, the heat will be pumped back into the AC system helping to keep the mourners nice and toasty.

Tameside's head of Environmental Services says that, "I'm not sure how people will react, but we don't want to upset anyone. We will carry out full consultation with priests, vicars and the public before a decision is taken."

There is likely to be little resistance from the Church though. The Rev Tim Hayes, of St John's Church, Dukinfield, said: "I have no problem with it," and the Rev Vernon Marshall, of Old Chapel, said: "As a final act of generosity, it's a lovely way for the dead to provide comfort for the living at a difficult time."

Of course, another possible recycling option could help the starving masses throughout the world. What we need to do is produce something called "Soylent Green"...