I DON'T WANT TO OPEN A CAN OF WORMS BUT...
How many times have you heard someone use the phrase "can of worms" to describe something that you don't want to do? But the real question is - has anyone actually ever OPENED a can of worms? And where, pray tell, do you buy such a thing? I checked Wal-Mart and even the guy in the big, blue "How may I help you?" T-shirt couldn't point me to the appropriate shelf. Maybe I have to go to a Sam's Club or a "Worms R' Us" store to get a bag of wrigglers. Of course, even if you were to find a can of worms, why would you want to open it anyway? Seems to me that the worms have been put in there for a reason, and letting them out is probably a bad idea. Of course, maybe it's NOT a problem, because depending on how long the can's been on a shelf, the worms are likely to be dead - suffocated in an air-tight container. So what kind of psycho individual would want to make a living suffocating helpless worms?

Checking the "Situations Vacant" section of the local newspaper, the Akron Beacon Journal, I was mildly stunned to find no requests for "worm canners." Even a Google search for "worm canners" turned up only two references - and those were not about folks who stuff annelids into tins. For the etymologically challenged amongst you, the word annelid means derives from the latin annellus meaning "little ring" - as opposed to "little wing," a song by Jimmy Hendrix.

Lexicographer Eric Partridge suggests that the "can of worms" originated in Canada; sounds similar,eh? "Can o' worms' versus "Can o' Dah?" The reference is to the type of can bought by weekend fishermen, who would purchase the portable wormy tomb prior to spending many hours pitting their wits against - er - fish. And how tragically pathetic must a guy feel after spending a whole day fishing only to return home with nothing? Man against Fish - and the fish wins!

My advice to all is to let squirming worms lie and keep the damn lid tightly shut.