In my previous posting, I expressed how comforted I was by the fact that 28% of women would be quite happy to tickle my tiny todger because they don't care about size. However, I spoke too soon. This morning, I received a new email with the stunningly honest title of "Adding few more inches to your Johnson" that dealt a crippling blow to my already fragile ego:
"Salute Chap
I don't care why your woody is so small, but 88% of women do.
They are pretty sure that bigger thing will make their desire
stronger. You have the chance to change your life."
Oh my Lord, the goalposts have been shifted. The acceptable 28% has become a frightening 12%, which, if it represents a mathematical progression, suggests that if I don't around to swinging the strawberry snake this weekend, by Monday there's a good chance that zero percent of women will be interested in my minuscule Moby.
So it now looks like that if I want to join the ranks of those guys with tremendous tallywhackers, I'm going to have to shell out for the "Prolonging the Perpendicular Pickle" program after all. I just hope it doesn't involve weights and string.
Addendum
Also in today's fun-filled can of spam I received an invitation from Dr. Nikolai N. Vaganov of the "Children's Clinical Hospital" to "Save Children." Tragically, I already have two and no space in which to save any more. Sure, the ones on sale appear to be relatively cheap - about the price of one Starbucks latte per week but without the rich, satisfying aroma and smooth, tongue-caressing flavor - but in my experience, they have a high operating cost. Besides, they are also difficult to flush down the toilet when you get bored with them, unless you cut them into tiny pieces and that's messy. I recommend hamsters as an alternative because (a) they flush easier and (b) can make a tasty kebab snack if you have a few of them.
Still, don't let my experience of saving kids put you off. Why, I hear there are lots of sad, lonely men out there, surfing the Internet, who would be only too pleased to save a few children. I bet Dr. Vaganov could even charge a premium for some of them.
Oh my Lord, the goalposts have been shifted. The acceptable 28% has become a frightening 12%, which, if it represents a mathematical progression, suggests that if I don't around to swinging the strawberry snake this weekend, by Monday there's a good chance that zero percent of women will be interested in my minuscule Moby.
So it now looks like that if I want to join the ranks of those guys with tremendous tallywhackers, I'm going to have to shell out for the "Prolonging the Perpendicular Pickle" program after all. I just hope it doesn't involve weights and string.
Addendum
Also in today's fun-filled can of spam I received an invitation from Dr. Nikolai N. Vaganov of the "Children's Clinical Hospital" to "Save Children." Tragically, I already have two and no space in which to save any more. Sure, the ones on sale appear to be relatively cheap - about the price of one Starbucks latte per week but without the rich, satisfying aroma and smooth, tongue-caressing flavor - but in my experience, they have a high operating cost. Besides, they are also difficult to flush down the toilet when you get bored with them, unless you cut them into tiny pieces and that's messy. I recommend hamsters as an alternative because (a) they flush easier and (b) can make a tasty kebab snack if you have a few of them.
Still, don't let my experience of saving kids put you off. Why, I hear there are lots of sad, lonely men out there, surfing the Internet, who would be only too pleased to save a few children. I bet Dr. Vaganov could even charge a premium for some of them.
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