KORAN ROLL: WHAT YOUR LEFT HAND'S FOR
You know the feeling: after a hard month of fasting, getting your bowels back into some type of regular schedule is a real pain. Hours of sitting on the porcelain altar trying to get things moving is cutting into prayer time. And if the toilet isn't facing Mecca... Well, we've all been there, right?

But help is at hand - literally! With new KORAN ROLL, from Infidelco, you can pass gas AND judgement at the same time. Each triple-ply super-soft sheet of KORAN ROLL is printed with an inspring, uplifting verse from the Koran, so you can pray while you stay.

Each random verse is guaranteed to have you submitting to the will of Allah with every wipe. Recall such timeles classics as "[39.53] Say: ...do not despair of the mercy of Allah; surely Allah forgives the faults altogether; surely He is the Forgiving the Merciful," a particularly useful verse to think on just before you kill an infidel. And who can forget "[3.178] And let not those who disbelieve think that Our granting them respite is better for their souls; We grant them respite only that they may add to their sins; and they shall have a disgraceful chastisement," just before going out and killing another infidel.

So, turn your "down time" into "up time" with prayer after prayer, meditation after meditation. Rather than thinking "who left that stain on the damn flooor?" try "[9.73] O Prophet! strive hard against the unbelievers and the hypocrites and be unyielding to them; and their abode is hell, and evil is the destination."

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! For added security, each sheet is printed with the words "wipe with left hand only" to ensure strict observation of protocol. And several sheets before the end, there's a special "Allah is coming - change the roll" reminder to ensure that no-one has to go without their daily dose of divinity.

Send checks and money orders for $10.00 per pack of six to Infidelco, PO Box 666, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.

Coming soon: "Bible Roll" - with extra sheets for the Apochryphal texts!