TIME TO TRADE IN THE MINIVAN, GUYS
It's a time-honored observation that the size of a man's car is inversely proportional to the size of his meat-and-two-veg. Good news for you mini cooper drivers. Of course, few researchers have tried to verify this lately: "Excuse me sir, would you mind helping in a survey by stepping out of your Ford Escort and flopping out your wedding tackle?"
However, the perverts who write for the German magazine, "Men's Car," did exactly that - or maybe something similar. They surveyed over 2000 men aged between 20 and 50 and asked them (a) what car they drove and (b) how frequently they had sex. Top of the list are BMW owners who manage a pulse-pounding 2.2 times per week, the 0.2 presumably a valiant attempt to reach three. Coming second (or at least twice) are Audi guys, slipping behind with an average 2.1.
Ford drivers came fourth at 1.7 and owners of Korean cars came last, managing a mere 1.5 times per week. Jeep drivers, my own mode of four-wheel transportation, didn't even score - which sounds about right!
Should you ladies feel neglected, bear in mind that French car drivers scored highest at 2.1, Audi drivers could get it on twice, and Porsche gals could only pop for 1.2 times.
But for me, even more interesting is the statistic that female BMW drivers have sex 1.9 times per week. Now, if they are asking couples who share a car, it seems that German men are having sex 0.3 times per week NOT with their spouses. Whether this is because they are (a) having an affair or (b) flying solo remains unanswered.
Of course, for those of you reading this who are thinking "damn, if I could get it 0.3 times per week on average I'd be happy," it may be that the only thing this survey tells us is that German men exaggerate and lie.
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
YOU DID SAY YOU WANTED IT FRESH, YES?
It seems that air travel is fraught with danger these days - and not only from terrorists. It appears that a new source of horror should be added to the traveler's list: whistling tree frogs.
On a routine flight between Melbourne, Australia, and Wellington, New Zealand, a Qantas airlines passenger was handed her special order salad - only to find that it was NOT the vegetarian option she was expecting. Lurking behind the lettuce was a small and uninvited whistling tree frog. And no doubt in keeping with a Qantas policy of delivering food that's as fresh as possible, the aforementioned amphibian was not even dead. Holy slimy sushi, Batman!
Before the hapless hopper could do any serious damage - such as leaping out of the box, gunning down a few passengers, and forcing the pilots to take the plane to Cuba - the quick-thinking passenger slammed the lid back down and alerted the flight attendents.
Thanks to intensive training in counter terrorism, the attendents ensured that the frog was speedily hustled into a refrigerator and, alas, subjected to a slow death by freezing. PETA should take note of this egregious act of barbarism against an innocent animal.
Once the plane had landed, a Qantas SWAT team apparantly swept through the airplane to round up any other members of the "Tree Frog Liberation Army," but none was found. Thankfully this appears to be a lone whistler, working in isolation, and as yet, no links to Al Qa'ida have been found.
A spokesman for the airline said that they had changed supplier in February. Perhaps the new supplier is the same one that supplies Air France, where frogs in your salad are standard and passengers complain if they don't find one.
Oh, and the report didn't note whether the box came marked as "Atkins Friendly," which I'm sure a whisting tree frog is - so long as you avoid the dressing.
It seems that air travel is fraught with danger these days - and not only from terrorists. It appears that a new source of horror should be added to the traveler's list: whistling tree frogs.
On a routine flight between Melbourne, Australia, and Wellington, New Zealand, a Qantas airlines passenger was handed her special order salad - only to find that it was NOT the vegetarian option she was expecting. Lurking behind the lettuce was a small and uninvited whistling tree frog. And no doubt in keeping with a Qantas policy of delivering food that's as fresh as possible, the aforementioned amphibian was not even dead. Holy slimy sushi, Batman!
Before the hapless hopper could do any serious damage - such as leaping out of the box, gunning down a few passengers, and forcing the pilots to take the plane to Cuba - the quick-thinking passenger slammed the lid back down and alerted the flight attendents.
Thanks to intensive training in counter terrorism, the attendents ensured that the frog was speedily hustled into a refrigerator and, alas, subjected to a slow death by freezing. PETA should take note of this egregious act of barbarism against an innocent animal.
Once the plane had landed, a Qantas SWAT team apparantly swept through the airplane to round up any other members of the "Tree Frog Liberation Army," but none was found. Thankfully this appears to be a lone whistler, working in isolation, and as yet, no links to Al Qa'ida have been found.
A spokesman for the airline said that they had changed supplier in February. Perhaps the new supplier is the same one that supplies Air France, where frogs in your salad are standard and passengers complain if they don't find one.
Oh, and the report didn't note whether the box came marked as "Atkins Friendly," which I'm sure a whisting tree frog is - so long as you avoid the dressing.
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