TIME TO TRADE IN THE MINIVAN, GUYS
It's a time-honored observation that the size of a man's car is inversely proportional to the size of his meat-and-two-veg. Good news for you mini cooper drivers. Of course, few researchers have tried to verify this lately: "Excuse me sir, would you mind helping in a survey by stepping out of your Ford Escort and flopping out your wedding tackle?"

However, the perverts who write for the German magazine, "Men's Car," did exactly that - or maybe something similar. They surveyed over 2000 men aged between 20 and 50 and asked them (a) what car they drove and (b) how frequently they had sex. Top of the list are BMW owners who manage a pulse-pounding 2.2 times per week, the 0.2 presumably a valiant attempt to reach three. Coming second (or at least twice) are Audi guys, slipping behind with an average 2.1.

Ford drivers came fourth at 1.7 and owners of Korean cars came last, managing a mere 1.5 times per week. Jeep drivers, my own mode of four-wheel transportation, didn't even score - which sounds about right!

Should you ladies feel neglected, bear in mind that French car drivers scored highest at 2.1, Audi drivers could get it on twice, and Porsche gals could only pop for 1.2 times.

But for me, even more interesting is the statistic that female BMW drivers have sex 1.9 times per week. Now, if they are asking couples who share a car, it seems that German men are having sex 0.3 times per week NOT with their spouses. Whether this is because they are (a) having an affair or (b) flying solo remains unanswered.

Of course, for those of you reading this who are thinking "damn, if I could get it 0.3 times per week on average I'd be happy," it may be that the only thing this survey tells us is that German men exaggerate and lie.