BLUETOOTH EARPHONE DORKY? YOU BET YOUR LIFE IT IS
Add another chapter to the as-yet unwritten book about cell phone etiquette called The Unbearable Rudeness of Being. With the introduction of the Bluetooth headset, cell phone egotists can now become even more obnoxious. Using the same reasoning that lead people to (a) buy Chia pets, (b) wear spandex, and (c) think shares in Enron were a "sure thing," cellaholics are taking to walking around with a large - but supposedly discrete - chunk of metal in their ears, imagining themselves to look cool, important, and edgy, whereas in truth, they look as if they are taking a lunch break from a sci-fi movie involving the Borg.

Glenn O'Brien, GQ magazine's Style Guy, offers the following advice to a recent Bluetooth wannabee:

Q: "I am a 23-year-old cell-phone-store manager and have been asked this question frequently by customers. Does a Bluetooth headset make one look professional and technologically savvy—or like a Star Trek freak ready for the next convention?"

A: "Generally speaking, a Bluetooth headset makes a man look like a Ferengi, the dweebiest of alien species. I saw a man in an expensive conservative suit and a camel-hair overcoat walking along Park Avenue the other day with this thingamabob stuck on his head, and I wished I had my digital camera with me. If you are going to wear a Bluetooth headset on the street, you should also be wearing a Day-Glo jumpsuit, goggles, and a cape."

And it's not just the dorky look that speaks volumes about the wearer. The fact that someone would wear one of these in company, ready to interrupt a face-to-face conversation in preference to a disembodied voice from somewhere else, screams out to me something along the lines of "Hey, I know we're having a chat here, but you're not as important as the unknown person who's calling me."

At what stage did the notion of "love the one you're with" become "physical presence is overrated anyway"? I'm waiting for the day that I can buy a pocket cell phone jammer and watch terrified cellaholics go into panic mode when they realize that their signal has been lost and they have to - gulp - focus on the here-and-now rather than be hooked into a virtual world of disembodied voices.