TWO SPACES AFTER A PERIOD? DEAD AS A DODO
Welcome to the 21st century and the wonderful world of computers. These things are so damn smart that they can actually decide - almost consciously - how to space out the letters we write in a word processor. No, seriously, they can look at each letter in turn and space them so that things look just peachy.

This contrasts with those 20th century pieces of mechanical arcana know as typewriters, whose very name is a giveway as to what they did - write using type. In the 21st century, we use things called fonts rather than type, and unlike your old Smith-Corona, you have many, many different fonts to chose from. This is, of course, both a Good Thing and a Bad Thing. It is a Bad Thing if you get into the mindset that an article improves in direct proportion to the number of fonts used. This is stunningly wrong, as can be evidenced by any amateur offering that appears to have more fonts than Paris Hilton has sex partners.

No, the fewer the fonts, the more readable the work. Any article that looks like a ransom letter or the deranged outpourings of a Frankensteinian typesetter should be set ablaze and the ashes returned to the writer.

Another feature of 21st century word processors is that they can make the space between a period and following upper-case letter sufficiently distinct that you have no need to use two spaces to highlight the difference. The rule of "two spaces after a period" (full stop for my UK readers) is a relic of the previous century, tied inextricably to the limitations of the typewriter. There is absolutely no need to waste that extra space.

Think about it; adding two spaces instead of one actually means one redundant keystroke at the end of every sentence. For someone writing a novel, how many extra strokes is that? It's also worth remembering - or even learning - that a space is not a "nothing" in a computer's memory, but it really does take up bits and bytes in a document.

Of course, if you are a student trying to turn in a paper that you've started working on some three hours before the deadline, the two spaces may lengthen your essay significantly. You might also want to change the size of your font in an uppward direction; change your document margins to, say, 3 inches all around; double space your lines; and insert large, semi-pertinent graphics. Turning 100 words into a 20-page document isn't difficult.

Alas, some academics have cottoned on to this abuse of technology and see through the deception. Still, there are plenty of them who have yet to move into the current century and automatically continue to use the two-spaces rule. For some older academics (aged 30 and above) change is very difficult. Some will actually write long, pretentious articles about why the two spaces should remain, but this is ususally because (a) they have been caught out by peers and students and want to justify their error, (b) are not as smart as they think they are and don't understand the need to change, and (c) have way too much time on their hands and deserve to have their grants taken away from them.

So do yourself a favor and get with the program: one space after a period.

Period.

STANLEY TOOKIE WILLIAMS: DEAD AT LAST, DEAD AT LAST, DEAD AT LAST.

At what point does celebrity become more important that justice? The leader of the violent Crips gang kills four people and is now celebrated as some latter day innocent. Since the murders in 1979, time has managed to erase all his guilt and create a twisted martyrhood. The fact that the families of those slain have spent the last 26 years knowing that the brutal murderer was still alive counts for nothing.

So the man has written some kids books. Big freakin' deal. In fact, he co-wrote the books, probably because writing isn't a big thing for murderous gang members. The guy was a crook and yet some misguided people seem to believe that his wrong-doings can be tossed aside because time has passed.

If you're not convinced, here's the roster of his supporters, according to the Reuters news service: Jesse Jackson, actor Mike Farrell, former gang members and leaders of the Nation of Islam. That's one publicity seeker, a C-list celebrity, upstanding young citizens who had a "troubled youth," and radical moslems whose usual idea of justice is to lop off body parts.

But wait, there's more! "At one end, a group holding crosses sang religious hymns while along the sidewalk a number of people sat silently in protest with candles burning in front of them. Others banged drums or prayed." Oh great, now we have the bible-thumping fraternity who presumably have no problem with his murdering four folks and want to save his soul.

"One woman knelt on her hands and knees to pray, clutching prayer beads and bowing her head." Well, looks like God had other ideas because if He thought Tookie was innocent, why didn't He intevene and save him? Nope, God wanted him to die, and the proof is that he DID die. Alleluia! Prasie the Lord and pass the injection.

Stand back and wait for "Tookie: The Movie," "Tookie: The Musical," and "St. Tookie: The Road to Canonization" from Harper Collins. Doubtless there are already "Tookie is Innocent" t-shirts available on the Internet, and more self-promoting, spineless celebs will be bleating about injustice and government murder.

Hey, maybe Saddam is a good guy after all! This "ethnic cleansing" and "genocide" thing is all a but hyped up, isn't it? And anyway, it happened a long time ago and surely Saddam's repented by now?

Pass me the sick bag - I think I want to throw up.

EVERYONE'S A LIAR - EXCEPT IRAN
So there you have it. The vote is in. The doctrine of "tolerant Islam" is alive and well and spouting from the ignorant mouth of Iran's new President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. According to the scholarly ex-Revolutionary guardsman, the Holocaust thing didn't happen. Here's what he had to say;

"Some European countries insist on saying that Hitler killed millions of innocent Jews in furnaces and they insist on it to the extent that if anyone proves something contrary to that they condemn that person and throw them in jail."

"Although we don't accept this claim, if we suppose it is true, our question for the Europeans is: is the killing of innocent Jewish people by Hitler the reason for their support to the occupiers of Jerusalem?"

So, he first says he doesn't believe it happened, but then follows up by saying if it did happen, then the Europeans' pro-Israel is explained by their guilt from allowing it to happen.

Gee, Mahmoud, thanks for the perceptive, intelligent analysis there. And I guess it's not suprising that in the photos of you on the Internet your face looks like an anal sphincter.

And this is the guy who is running the country that wants to run a "peaceful" nuclear program? If this is the level of political analysis he's capable of, who in their right mind would want to do business with him?

There is little evidence that Iran, or many other "modern" Islamic countries are even close to crawling out of the Middle Ages. The West would do well to start reining in sales of technology to these folks, in the same way you wouldn't give razor blades to an infant just to play with.

Until there is some sign of maturity exhibited by Iran, we should have nothing to do with them or their vile doctrines, apart from keeping a well-focused satellite eye on their nuclear facilities.