"GOVERNATOR" RUNNING SCARED OF BARE BREAST
Last Friday afternoon, Judge Garland E. Burrell saved Northern Californians from a group of terrorists who threatened to rock the very foundations of democracy. The group, "Breasts Not Bombs," are ready to stand on the steps of Sacramento's capitol building on Monday 7th November, 2005, and subject anyone in range to severe fall-out - from their bras.

"Breast Not Bombs" say that they are "... a grassroots movement originating from Mendocino County, CA ... dedicated to empowering women to speak out for a world that remembers what is sacred and honors the mother ... using political street theater and the act of baring our breasts in public serves as an excellent forum to speak about the vulnerability of humanity and the earth." Their blog site (breasts not bombs) has been in existence since September 2005 and chronicles the activities of this dangerous group.

According to the courts, the bearing of breasts would "create an immediate hazard to the general motoring public," ... "expose picnicking children to indecency and present" and be especially dangerous to the public because "sex offenders have been known to frequent" the Capitol's park area.

So there you have it. Rubber-necking drivers catching a flash of tit would crash, innocent children would be traumatized into needing years of therapy, and sicko perverts would be jerking themselves off in bushes, endangering anyone who happened to be in the vicinity - like other perverts who apparently already frequent the place.

Of course, there is no evidence whatsoever that any of these "hazards" would work. Strangely enough, the millions of children who are breast fed don't become traumatized, and neither do the millions of children brought up in Europe where topless beaches are the norm. However, maybe American children are innately psychologically weaker, especially since they need to be protected from name calling, germs, television, music, devil worshippers, Michael Jackson, and a host of dangerous things.

Or maybe the California legislators are afraid that bare boobs will draw the attention of the populace to the fact that some $8 million is being spent on a "special election" at the behest of Governor Schwarzenegger.

And the judiciary have threatened to have the women charged with being Sexual Offenders, thus having to register along with child molesters, rapists, and others. All for showing their breasts.

Unless, of course, your name is Jackson - Michael or Janet - in which case you're OK to do just about anything you want.

Judge Burrell and the rest of the legislature there need to overcome their own petty, sexual hang-ups, stop being so prudish, and fly back down to earth. Stop worrying about a few bare bosoms and start catching criminals. I suppose when you can't get the real bad guys, swatting the easy targets justifies the salaries being paid.