MOVE OVER MCDOUGALL - THE MCDONALD'S DIET IS HERE
Morgan Spurlock's movie, Super Size Me, caused something of a mini-sensation when it was released in 2004. In the film, Spurlock revealed that by following a diet of only items available at McDonald's and accepting the super-sized portion if it was offered, he added 25 lbs in 30 days and saw his blood cholesterol go through the proverbial roof. Of course, any rational person would not be surprised by this and to hold Micky D's accountable for the bizarre behavior of stupid fat people is simply crass. Maybe his next movie will see him eating exclusively at Cinnabon and Ben & Jerry's - anyone want to make a guess as to what might happen to his weight?

Well surprise, surprise! Merab Morgan, of Henderson, North Carolina, has taken up the gauntlet against Spurlock and switched to her own "Mc Donald's Diet." Setting a daily target of no more than 1400 calories, Morgan, who has failed at both the Atkin's Diet and Weight Watchers, lost 33 lbs over 67 days while eating nothing but McDonald's food. The trick is to watch those calories and set yourself a target; in Morgan's case, she hopes to lose 40-60 lbs in total.

This is undoubtably great news for junk food junkies, who have been under pressure lately from the Food Nazis who seem to believe that (a) they have the "right formula" for proper nutrition and (b) everyone else should follow it. The "right diet" seems to exclude foods that are tasty in exchange for those that are tasteless, fibrous, and typically eaten by rabbits. And no matter how many times a vegetarian says, "But tofu can taste just like meat," the fact remains that tofu has all the flavor of eight-week-old chewing gum and all the texture of a balloon.

If God had wanted human beings not to eat at McDonald's, he would have created mankind not in his image but in the image of a rabbit. No, God handed out canine teeth for the tearing of flesh, and a long intestinal tract to process animal proteins. Why, on this basis, avoiding meat is almost inhuman!

Undoubtably nutritionist killjoys will be tossing out lists of why the McDonald's diet will not work, but until then, tuck into that Big Mac before the Food Nazis deprive you of yet another small nutritional pleasure.

"Dah dap dap dat daaaaaa .... I'm loving it!"