HOW NOT TO SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE - IN A CHURCH
Nigeria is not just the home of Internet scammers but kinky sex partners. One Nigerian couple has been fined for having sex on the altar of their local church. According to the Daily Metro newspaper, Tolu Akintepe, 30, and wife Bunmi, 28, told a judge they were trying to spice up their love life.


They were caught in the act by the pastor of the small Pentecostal church in Ikeja, a suburb of Lagos. Pastor Gbenga Akhiomu demanded they pay £100 damages for desecrating the altar. He also wanted them to clean the altar and pray for forgiveness.

To courtroom laughter, the couple told Judge Ifeanyinwa Okenwa that they had been married for four years and their love life had gone stale.

"My wife was always saying she wanted me to spice up our sex life in an unusual way," said Mr Akintepe. "I thought it would be thrilling if we did it in the church, having the big guy upstairs watching us. I thought it was a little adventurous. I told my wife, and she loved the idea."

Judge Ifeanyinwa Okenwa warned the couple to have more respect for religious institutions.

He ordered them to pay £100 compensation. The couple volunteered to also clean the whole church for one week. Clean the whole church? What sort of mess did they make?!

MISERABLE PURITANS STRIKE AGAIN
The Bystander could be accused of being obsessed with the notion of puritanical behavior and its dulling effect on the world's Happiness Quotient, but when new stories come to light on a daily basis about "someone" being "offended" and wanting to "save us" from the same offense, we remain unapologetic in our crusade.

In a recent report in the UK's Sun tabloid, English teacher, Sarah Green, has been suspended from her job at Stockport Grammar school for her role as an actress prior to her current employment. It seems that one of her students discovered his teacher online in an ad for Scruffs Hardware where she simulates - in a relatively non-graphic way - having sex with a workman.



The ad was never shown on TV but was sent out to construction firms. In fact, in 2005, it won two prizes at the world's top advertising awards in Cannes. However, such prestigious awards have little weight with the busybodies of Stockport who want Ms. Green sacked.

Never one to pass up the opportunity to show the Truth, clicking on the image to the right will take you to the now heavily trafficked video. The visits are heading to the million mark and Sarah is unfortunately destined to become the accidental celebrity of the month.

Here are some of the comments from parents of "children" at the school: And I say that loosely because it is the same "children" who are scouring the Internet for the video and, without doubt, are regularly scouring for much harder stuff:

"It is absolutely awful, morally," said one, "especially given the type of school she teaches in. It will kill her."

Another added: "It appears her character is possibly not best suited to such a highly regarded school.

"It is possibly not suitable for this person to be teaching young, impressionable students."

The comment toward "young,impressionable students is a joke. Any adolescent boy frequently fantasizes about his hot teachers, knows damn well how to download enough porn to fill a hard drive, and passed the "impressionable" stage long before mommy and daddy discovered the porn stash in his bedroom.

Yes of course Ms. Green's career is over. That's a tragedy. But the condemnation of her moral character is far more tragic, and even more likely to be hypocritical if it's from dads who are quick to condemn but at the same time think nothing of spending time at hotforteacher.com and bigwobblers.net