tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59034972011-07-08T03:29:02.318-05:00The Naked BystanderNaked (nei-kid) a. and sb. Free from concealment or reserve; straightforward.
Bystander (by-stan-der) n. Chance spectator; onlooker.Russellnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1271100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-16634746369334366152009-08-24T23:59:00.003-05:002009-08-25T00:19:37.153-05:00DOG BITES MAN IS NOT NEWS: MAN BITES DOG ISWe've all done it. It's the middle of the night and you wake up with a thick head following an evening of trying to see how close you can get to alcohol poisoning without actually dying, and you fancy a snack. Fearing the wrath of the local law enforcers, you wisely avoid a trip to the fast-food place and head instead for the fridge. But all you can see Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-89339525433258499052009-08-22T00:40:00.000-05:002009-08-25T00:54:34.367-05:00CELL PHONES ARE DANGEROUS: ESPECIALLY FLAT BATTERIESUsing cell phones while driving has been shown to be a major contributor to road accidents. But it's not just while you're on the move that danger lurks just behind you.55-year-old Romanian road construction engineer, Gheorghe Christinel, was working on laying down the asphalt on a new road in the town of Timisoara. But during what appears to Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-86223898514881907812009-08-20T00:22:00.002-05:002009-08-25T00:37:44.601-05:00IS THAT A MAGIC WAND OR ARE YOU JUST PLEASED TO SEE ME?Everyone loves a good magic trick. Whether it involves the close-up manipulation of a few cards or the dismemberment and scattering of 300 elephants in Central Park, we are all suckers for illusions. However, it pays for the magician to be a little sensitive when it comes to audience participation.Not so Rajeev Patel, a street magician from Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-81011025130153373132009-08-16T22:43:00.005-05:002009-08-16T23:18:15.222-05:00...AND HOW ABOUT A DOCTORATE IN SLEEPING?It seems that education in the UK is not quite as hard as it used to be. Apparently students can get certified not only in mathematics, physic, biochemistry, and English literature, but also receive an award for catching a bus.The Youth Support Services in Bury, England, offer a course called Using Public Transport (Unit 1), which tests an individual's Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-20549067737090562722009-08-14T23:18:00.002-05:002009-08-16T23:32:20.202-05:00ANOTHER "FRUIT OF THE LOOM" AD WINNERThe recent pairing of the Fruit of the Loom guys with Vince Gill to sing "Apple of my Eye" has to be one of the smartest ads of the past few months at least. The slow, emotional build-up to the chorus that gets interrupted by a cell phone is hilarious.Now if you want to see the full song minus the phone, here it is, courtesy of YouTube.Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-20807023358015757262009-08-11T23:35:00.001-05:002009-08-16T23:49:57.910-05:00DRUGS=PROBATION; YAWNING=JAIL TIME. IS THE LAW STILL AN ASS?The Chicago Tribune recently reported on the case of one Clifton Williams, a 33-year-old who was watching cousin Jason Mayfield plead guilty to a drug charge. Unlike TV and movie court cases, where thins are exciting and happen in under 60 minutes, real court cases can be a little... tepid. So at one point, Williams let out a yawn that Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-40762865299705598602009-08-06T23:54:00.000-05:002009-08-17T00:00:08.069-05:00HOW NOT TO SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE - IN A CHURCHNigeria is not just the home of Internet scammers but kinky sex partners. One Nigerian couple has been fined for having sex on the altar of their local church. According to the Daily Metro newspaper, Tolu Akintepe, 30, and wife Bunmi, 28, told a judge they were trying to spice up their love life.They were caught in the act by the pastor of the smallRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-86800203564578277092009-08-02T22:50:00.004-05:002009-08-02T23:07:54.041-05:00CHRISTMAS HIT FOR POPE BENEDICT?OK, so maybe it's not going to be a rap album, a dance extravaganza, or even a jazz-style lounge lizard interpretation of the Good Book, but Pope Benedict XVI (or just "X V" to his rapper crew) is signed up on the Geffen label for a mix of chants and litanies. And he's in good company. Geffen have also released CDs for Snoop Dogg - so maybe there's a duet in the Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-66430398528022291582009-07-27T23:12:00.000-05:002009-08-02T23:26:45.151-05:00"MIDNIGHT COWBOY" TO NAKED COWBOY - THE NEW MAYOR OF NY?Robert Burck is a new name in politics - but not a new name in naked buskers. Currently, Burck can pull in a cool - or sometimes cold - $1000 per day by entertaining New York City residents and visitors by dressing in cowboy boots and a hat, and hanging his guitar strategically.Dizzy with his estimated annual salary of over $250,000, he's Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1139176144752545672009-07-21T23:28:00.000-05:002009-08-02T23:41:35.867-05:00GAY PENGUINS JUST AS FICKLE AS STRAIGHTDespite claims by religious fundamentalists that being gay is a choice and that homosexuality only exists in humans, it seems that penguins can also "bat for the other team" and even swing both ways.At the San Francisco Zoo (where else?) two male penguins, Pepper and Harry, have been sharing a pool as partners for over six years. During that time, both Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-9227438389067017232009-07-19T00:13:00.001-05:002009-08-03T00:19:37.155-05:00"THE" WEDDING DANCE VIRAL VIDEOBefore everyone and their dog decide that "they can do better," you should check out this YouTube offering from Minnesota newly-weds Kevin Heinz and Jill Peterson. It's the sort of thing that can really only be done once; any that now follow will simply be copycat wannabees.Please, please - don't try to do this at your own wedding. It's funny once, and once only ;)Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-58739768825635885652009-07-16T23:51:00.001-05:002009-08-03T00:06:01.565-05:00YOU PUT WHAT ON FACEBOOK?The dangers of online social networks have been stated over and over again to the point that anyone who is surprised that their personal details are used against them deserves to be hit with a Stupid stick. Stories of folks who seem to think is is OK to share their last binge drinking session with their MySpace "friends," only to then discover that teachers and potential Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-16445844316312496722009-07-08T10:21:00.001-05:002009-07-11T10:35:30.336-05:00AN IPHONE APP TOO FAR? OR DEAD ACCURATE MARKETING?There was a time that remembering the dearly departed meant erecting a tombstone and making a visit every now and again to decorate the grave with flowers. The advent of the Internet Age then added on the option to create a web page memorial that could include all manner of media add-ons such as pictures, music, videos etc. At least visitors couldRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-62545050596684783712009-07-06T00:02:00.004-05:002009-07-06T00:20:20.149-05:00DIY SURGERY NOT RECOMMENDEDWe've all seen the TV and movie trick of using a pen for an emergency tracheotomy. And no, a pencil won't do if you can't find a pen. Similarly when the hero loses a limb, he manfully unstraps his belt and wraps it around the stump, thereby stemming the flow of blood.But there are limits both mentally and practically. And the limit was crossed at the end of June, 2009, Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-68831457697802945252009-06-30T23:32:00.006-05:002009-06-30T23:56:51.196-05:00AL QAEDA FASHIONISTAS ANNOUNCE "COLOR ME BLACK" RANGE FOR FALL... AND FOREVERThe Paris runways will be highlighting the latest in burqa-wear this Fall - or perhaps not, depending on how the French government want to respond to the wacky fashionistas of Al Qaeda.In a statement by Abu Musab Abdul Wadud, the self-styled "commander of Al Qaeda in North Africa" - whose idea of style includes sackclothRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-91016468369608955422009-06-27T00:54:00.003-05:002009-06-27T01:22:07.034-05:00ALTERNATIVE MEDICINE NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEAThere's a lot of money to be made in the Alternative Medicine industry. And for "alternative," be prepared to use the word "quack" in many cases. After all, if saliva is a tonic, then what's wrong with magnetic bracelets, iridology, homeopathy, and toad licking?Come to think of it, what's wrong with boiling someone's head and turning it into a soup to Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-31092215201716067532009-06-23T11:26:00.003-05:002009-06-23T11:30:30.961-05:00WHEN PETS GO WILD!The Australian outback; the plains of the Serengeti; the jungles of Peru; all dangerous places filled with dangerous wild animals. Heavy with the scent of death and terror, these environments can take away the life of an unwary traveler in seconds, their flesh torn apart as they scream their last. Nature red in tooth and claw lets loose her most fearsome creatures in these Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-91801914033674219162009-06-18T23:20:00.003-05:002009-06-18T23:37:41.634-05:00NO SON, IT'S A TOILET, NOT A SHOWERKids. You gotta love 'em. Unless, that is, you're a puppy. or more specifically, unless you're the puppy owned by the Blair family in England. It seems that their three-year-old son, Daniel, is quite the budding scientist. He clearly knew that a shower is essentially a blast of water that is used to clean people. He also knew that a toilet provides a blast of Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-33458019157511632562009-06-14T16:54:00.005-05:002009-06-14T17:17:51.157-05:00FLORIDA POLICE PROVIDE SPECIAL SUNBLOCK - AN SUV!As global warming continues to fuel the profits of companies who make sunblock, the dangers of tanning still fail to dissuade people from soaking up the sun on Floridian beaches. Trying to get get beautiful tanned girls in bikinis to leave the seashores is not only difficult but unpopular with 50% of the world's population.Enter one of Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-90620281620357235522009-06-11T16:23:00.000-05:002009-06-14T16:40:19.812-05:00SOMETHING TO DROOL OVER? I THINK NOT!Add the following story to the "Why, for the love of God, Why?" folder.A Chinese internet entrepreneur simply named Zhou has been banned by one of China's eBay lookalikes, taobao.com. It seems that Zhou was selling bottle of saliva harvested from pretty 18-year-old girls at a stunning $2.00 per bottle. His spin is that the bodily fluid acts as a "tonic," Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-80017973037630201372009-06-08T00:58:00.003-05:002009-06-08T01:26:31.309-05:00HOLY CRAP! THAT'S ONE EXPENSIVE POOPER!If you find yourself in Boston and in dire need of backing out the brown Volvo, try and delay the inevitable while you find the Christopher Columbus Park toilet. And as you drop your coins into the slot and log into the bowl, bear in mind that the facilities you are using cost a cool $300,000. And change, I suspect.Because of a series of "complications," Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-32255647494738672112009-06-07T11:25:00.003-05:002009-06-07T11:44:46.467-05:00GIVING IT ANOTHER WHIRLThe last posting to The Naked Bystander was over a year ago. I got busy doing other stuff. But a chance posting by someone called Beth has spurred me to resurrecting the site."Please revive your blog - you are exceptionally witty and enjoyable to read!"I am realistic enough to know that for every one person who considers what I write "exceptionally witty and enjoyable to Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-10637311670535318202008-01-21T13:46:00.000-05:002008-01-21T14:05:24.167-05:00DUDE, WHERE'S MY CAR?Here's yet another example of where pride does indeed goeth before the proverbial fall. Or if you prefer a different metaphor, where egg sticks firmly to the face.The boffins of Berlin's police force have developed a very special theft-proof car. The vehicle is a triumph of German engineering; a BMW no less. And at an affordable $150,000 it's only to be expected that members Russellnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-73470808109738191552008-01-17T12:40:00.000-05:002008-01-21T14:06:09.264-05:00MISERABLE PURITANS STRIKE AGAINThe Bystander could be accused of being obsessed with the notion of puritanical behavior and its dulling effect on the world's Happiness Quotient, but when new stories come to light on a daily basis about "someone" being "offended" and wanting to "save us" from the same offense, we remain unapologetic in our crusade.In a recent report in the UK's Sun tabloid, Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-51530455075773533302008-01-14T16:52:00.001-05:002008-01-14T17:07:25.104-05:00KISS THAT FROG - NO, REALLY, KISS THAT FROG!The picture alone is worth the effort. There are clearly people in this world who are mentally unhinged enough that they can get through life without getting killed or locked up. 52-year-old Tongsai Boommrungtai of Roi-Et in Thailand is one such person.Tongsai first met her Frog Prince as it hopped past her house with a chick in its capacious mouth. "IRussellnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-19337026806436382442008-01-10T18:57:00.000-05:002008-01-10T19:12:15.840-05:00MORE EXCITING WAYS TO HELP YOUR FRIENDS WHEN DEADFurther to the previous article on how cremated colleagues can help keep mourners warm, and dead man in New York was able to help a couple of his buddies supplement their income - even though he was deader than the Britney Spears' Guide to Good Motherhood.65-year-olds David Dalaia and James O'Hare went to the counter of a Manhattan check-cashing Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-2756792868065026162008-01-09T18:20:00.000-05:002008-01-10T18:56:54.031-05:00POLISH PARTNERS PROSTITUTION PERPLEXITYAlthough many people start married life with the intention of staying together "until death do us part," the Grim Reaper can often be found taking a back seat in the decoupling process. A recent estimate suggests that 45% of all marriages in the US end in divorce, so it's fair to say that the "until death" phrase is pretty much redundant. Of those Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-53759602721444182712008-01-08T11:49:00.000-05:002008-01-21T15:01:37.664-05:00WORDS TO IMPRESS WITH: QUINQUAGENARIANOne of the exciting things about the English language is that the pool of words is huge. Enormous. Gigantic. Why, there are so may words to choose from that if you wanted to use all of them you'd be a quinquagenarian before you got to zyxt.Derived from the Latin word quinquaginti, which means 50, a quinquagnarian is someone who is between the ages of 50 and Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-47496816642477537892008-01-07T09:26:00.000-05:002008-01-08T10:09:21.699-05:00DEAD BUT NOT FORGOTTEN - CHECK YOUR HEATING BILLI've already told my kids that when I'm dead they should build a pyre in the back yard and have a weenie roast. Rather than stand around weeping in some gloomy church staring at a box, they ought to get a whole bunch of folks round for one hell of a party and roast weenies and marshmallows over my burning body.This is my own special way of giving Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-19803211844893027022008-01-03T11:31:00.000-05:002008-01-03T12:17:30.636-05:00CUDDLY ROADKILL - NOT PC BUT DAMNED FUNNY!Tired of tickling Elmo? Bored with Barbie? Still have a Cabbage Patch Kid suffocating in a cupboard? Well it's time to move on and get yourself a new furry friend, thanks to the twisted minds at Roadkill Toys. Sensitive types with zero sense of humor may want to stop reading now, but the rest of you sickos should click the link and get out your credit Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-49875807375015848612008-01-02T16:28:00.000-05:002008-01-03T12:07:52.504-05:00IT'S A MIRACLE - NOT!It seems that miracles are becoming less miraculous these days - especially if it involves money and the Virgin Mary. In New Zealand, a trader on the country's EBay equivalent, TradeMe, offered a pebble for sale that allegedly had an image of the mother of Jesus. The asking price was a mere $50,000 but it seems that the market for religious icons may be bottoming out.The Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-50828463573769076292007-12-20T07:01:00.000-05:002008-01-03T12:12:09.638-05:00GETTING A HAIRCUTThe decision to have a haircut is hardly one that should need much soul searching. Spending time thinking about the morality of cloning or pondering on the ethics of testing potential life-saving drugs on animals are arguably worthwhile intellectual and spiritual pursuits. But a trip to the barber? Apart from the cost – which, as you ladies will know, can be around the gross Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-82237520603826686172007-12-15T07:34:00.000-05:002008-01-02T13:52:45.980-05:00XMAS STUPIDITYAdd yet another item to that interminable list of things that irritate me: People trying to be clever when they are, in fact, stupid. This is all the more annoying if they do it in public. As I was driving home from my local grocery store, I passed by an evangelical church. There are two giveaways for evangelicals. The first is that it has a name longer than four words, such as “Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-17549042704935484532007-11-21T07:03:00.000-05:002008-01-02T07:19:11.668-05:00WINE TIPS FOR BEGINNERSIn a world where people want so desperately to be unique, special, and an expert at something, let me proclaim that I am not a wine aficionado. I can’t even spell the word without a dictionary or a spell checker. So it is with this admission in mind that I offer my personal list of essential facts for the budding connoisseur. When the guy next to you swooshes the wine Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1353408943782845262007-11-12T07:07:00.000-05:002008-01-02T07:08:39.790-05:00ON THE ARRANGING OF BOOKSThe Great Library of Alexandria; the Bodleian Library of Oxford; the Library of Congress; and even Jorge Luis Borges’ Library of Babel – all world famous examples of cathedrals to bibliophilia – the love of books. Since the first caveman scrawled the prehistoric version of “Kilroy was here” on the walls of his rocky condo, mankind has sought to record his story, laying Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-54958682563946552902007-10-29T07:28:00.000-05:002008-01-02T13:57:04.599-05:00CONCEALED WEAPONSOn the almost second anniversary of Ohio's law allowing conealed carrying of arms, it's worth taking a look back at how this came about.Under the heading of “disturbing philosophical arguments,” file the discussions found at Vermillion’s “Open Carry Shipping Day,” where for a two-hour period, the good citizens of the Harbor Town area of Vermillion, Ohio, were treated to the site Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-41566060417721797682007-10-23T07:25:00.000-05:002008-01-02T07:26:54.489-05:00SHAVING AND SINMy battle against chronic procrastination continues, but with a new moral twist. Is it OK to submit to one of the seven deadly sins in order to conquer another? Is a little evil OK to defeat a bigger one? Before we plunge into this, remember that your editor is not a theologian and so prone to error. However, he is a human being and so faces the same dilemmas as everyone else in Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-35105627058106920392007-10-14T07:21:00.000-05:002008-01-02T07:24:27.246-05:00BURGERS AND RESPONSIBILITYHippocrates once said “Everything in excess is opposed to nature.” His name, curiously enough, comes from the Greek words hippos, meaning horse, and kratos, meaning power. Fortunately for the car sales industry, engine makers opted for abandoning the Greek hippo to describe the power of their machines. I’m not sure folks would be wowed by a Porsche that was described as Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-49007311561901194022007-09-12T06:59:00.000-05:002008-01-02T07:01:17.375-05:00REPEATED WORDS How often do you find yourself in a situation where you’re writing a letter or article and when you review it, you see you’ve written the same word twice? If you use a word processor, a good one will pick this up and highlight it for you. But how often is it actually correct to use multiple instances of a word? Over the weekend, my daughter and I were deciding on when to go to Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-5056412869427023482007-09-08T06:54:00.000-05:002008-01-02T06:58:59.797-05:00STUPIDER AND STUPIDERSo who was it that started tossing around the notion that with Age comes Wisdom? The wisest thing I can offer is that as far as I’m concerned, with Age comes Ignorance. Day after day, I am reinforced in my knowledge that in truth, I know very little. And the more I add to my tiny sponge-like brain that soaks up trivia like an Oreo soaks up milk, the less I understand about Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-43460706413234620072007-08-01T00:31:00.000-05:002007-08-01T00:51:10.942-05:00CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE: TAKING A DUMPWhere oh where is "Miss Manners" when you really want her? Probably not multi-tasking in the toilet I dare say.I'm not sure about the rights and wrongs of the phenomenon of using the cell phone while dropping a log in a public lavatory. I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't do it, but is it OK for other folks? Are busy executives really so short of time that turning Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-37347750629974206822007-07-27T08:16:00.000-05:002007-07-27T08:23:56.899-05:00LAPTOPS FOR THE WORLD? I DON'T THINK SO!Boy am I in a cynical mode today! According to the One Laptop Per Child group, their new XO laptop computer is set to change the world and level that proverbial playing field - again. In an article from the good folks at eWeek, the $175 laptop is poised to give disadvantaged kids around the world the same access to porn, MP3s, viruses, adware, Instant Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-70916661684165877382007-07-06T00:33:00.000-05:002007-07-06T00:35:08.732-05:00A B.A., A B.Sc. OR JUST A DD?In Italy, it's now not enough for a girl to graduate from college with a few letters after her name. Now she's not going to settle for anything less than a DD - and I don't mean a Doctor of Divinity.According to web site Ananova, the most common graduation present for young ladies is now a boob job. The liberated, educated college graduate may revel in her Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1875544297244573502007-06-21T10:02:00.000-05:002007-06-21T10:32:25.780-05:00EVANGELICAL CYBER-SQUATTER'S "BAIT-AND-SWITCH"It seems, as ever, that God needs as much help as He can get when it comes to promoting His agenda. And if that help includes just a smidgin of sharp practice - nay, maybe even fraud - then that appears to be just fine for some evangelicals. Although not quite up there with the bizarre rationalization that shooting doctors who perform abortions is "Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-72593502853691023262007-05-16T13:42:00.000-05:002007-05-16T14:19:05.952-05:00OHIO PRUDES PUSH NUDITY-FREE STRIP CLUBS"Rules forbidding touching of strippers and requiring them to keep on some clothes when dancing past midnight were approved today by a House committee as a compromise on a statewide crack down on adult businesses.The no-touching rule for customers and the semi-nude dancing provision are part of a new version of legislation that was brought to lawmakers Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-40527122684642003962007-04-16T14:16:00.000-05:002007-04-16T14:26:46.137-05:00MORIBUND - BUT NOT DEAD YET!So what's been happening with the Bystander? Why is three months since the past post? Is he dead, kidnapped, the victim of a Fatwa? Maybe he's just decided to quit writing altogether.Sadly, none of these is true. Despite what it may seem, the Bystander has a real job, one which requires him to produce stuff and do lots of traveling. Glamorous the international jaunts Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-5386500839688944822007-01-02T23:35:00.000-05:002007-01-03T00:14:44.670-05:00LET'S START THE NEW YEAR WITH A GOOD OLD-FASHIONED LYNCHINGTalk about lost opportunities! Following last year's successful pay-per-view seance with John Lennon, you have to think that someone in the international media would have had the sway and cojones to sign up Saddam Hussein for the first global hanging in human history. But it seems neither Rupert Murdoch nor Al-Jazeera was able to pull offRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-6775165910162899032006-12-08T09:46:00.000-05:002006-12-08T10:21:01.158-05:00BAD NEWS ON THE BULGING BONER FRONTIn my previous posting, I expressed how comforted I was by the fact that 28% of women would be quite happy to tickle my tiny todger because they don't care about size. However, I spoke too soon. This morning, I received a new email with the stunningly honest title of "Adding few more inches to your Johnson" that dealt a crippling blow to my already fragile ego:"Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-70656567802882388612006-12-04T13:00:00.000-05:002006-12-04T13:31:12.451-05:00I REALLY DON'T CARE ABOUT MY SMALL PENIS - HONEST!Truth in Advertising. There's a phrase that is often preached but not always practiced. However, at least some folks in the Spam world are brave enough to say it like it is. Take for example the e-mail I received some minutes ago with the no-nonsense, in-your-face title of "Hello man, your woody is really small!"Kudos first of all for getting the Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-12345082660339440532006-11-14T10:27:00.000-05:002006-11-14T10:53:25.792-05:00HEADS THEY WIN; TAILS WE LOSESo here's a clip from a Reuter's article published in the Mercury News:"If the United States and its allies leave Iraq without a clear victory, it will embolden terrorists from the Middle East to Indonesia, and damage international efforts to contain North Korea's nuclear ambitions, Australia's leader said Tuesday."At the same time, Iraqi rebels pledge to continue Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1163038031999486932006-11-08T20:45:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.865-05:00SEX, DRUGS, VIOLENCE... AND WAFFLESThe story has it all. Hot, naked chick kicking butt; drug abuse; and a waffle house.In Nashville, Texas, patrons of the Waffle House restaurant were treated to an unexpected performance by way of a naked couple crashing through the cream-filled Belgian specials.Texas resident, Larry Boyd, had been intending to spend an amorous night with his girlfriend in a Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1162963122359387272006-11-07T23:55:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.770-05:00ELECTIONS? WHAT ABOUT THE "SHAKE-IT-LIKE-SHAKIRA" LOSER?So the Democrats are taking over the asylum. Whoop tee doo. The real story is about a bar, a contest, and that Great American Sport - Suing For Cash!In July 2006, the folks at Calico Jack's Cantina on 42nd Street New York invited folks to join in their "Shake-It-Like-Shakira" contest. Ersatz Shakiras were asked to perform for the bar patronsRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1161881177861449602006-10-26T11:27:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.664-05:00RELIGION OF PEACE UPDATE: LAWSUIT FAILSAccording to the Associated Press, a lawsuit by Muslim groups in Denmark has been dismissed by the Danish courts. Following the publication in February of this year of cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammed, seven Muslim groups entered a defamation lawsuit alleging that "the cartoons depict Mohammed 'as belligerent, oppressing women, criminal, crazy and Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1158593433249208402006-09-18T09:59:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.555-05:00ISLAMIC RHETORIC - IS IT JUST ME?Maybe the fault is in Western Logic, but the reaction of certain elements of the Muslim community to recent remarks by Pope Benny seem to be ironic proof of the veracity of the remarks themselves. According to the Washington Post, "In the speech, the Pope, a former theology professor and enforcer of Vatican dogma, referred to criticism of the Prophet Mohammad by Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1153144376766746592006-07-17T08:35:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.461-05:00GEICO RESPONDS - PERHAPSSome time back, I commented about an experience with the Gecko - and that's Geico not Gordon, although there may be similarities. Close to one year later, which in Internet terms is almost prehistoric, I received a response from someone claiming to be from Geico. I say claiming because of course, the Internet is the great anonymizer and this could be anyone. Still, it Russellnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1151433782427031602006-06-27T13:17:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.340-05:00WEEDING OUT THE STUPIDBollywood. Home of the Stars and center of the Indian movie universe. With athletic, muscled heroes;dusky, pouting heroines; endless dance routines; throbbing bhangra music; and more colors than an explosion at a Sherwin-Williams factory, the Bollywood bandwagon is a Mecca for Asian cinemaphiles. Alas, it suffers from one of the same maladies that its poorer cousin, Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1151432184093944972006-06-27T12:58:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.224-05:00LIMBAUGH'S LATEST LEGAL LAPSEFor those who enjoy playing the "Which is Worse?" game, here's a new one to add:If you're Rush Limbaugh, which is worse: (a) being found with a jar of non-prescription pills in you luggage when you're not supposed to have them, or (b) being found with a jar of non-prescription Viagra in your luggage when you're not supposed to have them?Well, Rush is playing this one Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1150819941020159852006-06-20T10:39:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:17.088-05:00KIM JONG'S LONG DONG SCARES NO WONGIn yet another attempt to hog the international limelight, North Korea are poised to launch their third long-range missile in 13 years. In fairness, that's more missiles that Kate Bush albums over the same period, but it's not exactly a prolific arms development strategy. The Taepodong 2 succeeds the Taepodong 1, which when last fired in 1998 failed to deliver aRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1150732739550738442006-06-19T10:30:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:16.938-05:00BLUETOOTH EARPHONE DORKY? YOU BET YOUR LIFE IT ISAdd another chapter to the as-yet unwritten book about cell phone etiquette called The Unbearable Rudeness of Being. With the introduction of the Bluetooth headset, cell phone egotists can now become even more obnoxious. Using the same reasoning that lead people to (a) buy Chia pets, (b) wear spandex, and (c) think shares in Enron were a "sure Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1150483937733480232006-06-16T13:06:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:16.768-05:00PLEASE, NO MORE "WHAT HAPPENS IN X STAYS IN X"Despite the bleatings and petty paranoia of many Francophobes, the French have given the world many glorious and wonderful things. High up on this list are Sophie Marceau, Vanessa Demouy, Calvados, Barbarella, the Statue of Liberty, the bikini, Voltaire, and Roquefort cheese.But let's not forget the contribution to language - which includes the word Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1145982163622719932006-04-25T10:53:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:16.610-05:00LENNON WOULD TURN IN HIS GRAVE - OR TURN UP FROM HIS GRAVE?It's all too easy to poke fun at the people who seem to have no critical faculties whatsoever. Shooting fish in a barrel is, by contrast, much harder. The bystander reserves a special scorn for believers in the paranormal, which includes those who think that once you're dead, you spend the rest of eternity in some disembodied state tryingRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1139419508662106532006-02-08T11:59:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:16.466-05:00HOLOCAUST CARTOONS? DON'T MAKE ME LAUGHAs a mature, rational, though-provoking intelligent response to the current furor about cartoons of Mohammed, the Iranian "independent" newspaper, Hamshahri, has launched a contest to find the best cartoon about the Holocaust. It seems that although the President of Iran has already said it never happened, this doesn't stop other folks from creating cartoonsRussellnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1139259149082409502006-02-06T15:26:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:16.316-05:00DIE, INFIDEL, DIE! BUT LEND US THE MONEY FIRST...Let's play a little game of "Spot the Double Standards" starring our old friend, "Peaceful Islam" aided by a little sensitivity over some cartoons:Saturday, February 4th, 2006: "Hundreds of Palestinians turned out for protests on Saturday. In Gaza City, demonstrators hurled stones at a European Commission building and stormed a German cultural Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1138991878285920292006-02-03T13:20:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:16.187-05:00MUSLIMS RIOT - AGAIN - IN PROTEST. GEE, DID WE EXPECT ANYTHING ELSE?Your misanthropic Bystander has had his disgust toward the human race confirmed once again following the psychotic response of muslims to cartoons of the prophet, Mohammed. Apparently Muslims feel that cartoons of the prophet with a turban shaped like a bomb makes it looks as if Islam is a violent religion. And here's how they Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1136786763366508562006-01-09T00:47:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:16.032-05:00AMERICAN IDOL FANS TAKE NOTE... GENDER CHANGING IS O.K.As Simon, Paula, and Randy gear up for the grand opening of the new season of American Idol, they may want to take note of the goings-on in the German version of the show. Rumors of whether Simon - or indeed Ryan - is gay pale into insignificance next to the surprise revelation from Deutschland's hotly tipped-to-win performer, Didi Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1136518566694797692006-01-05T22:13:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:15.918-05:00I DON'T WANT TO OPEN A CAN OF WORMS BUT...How many times have you heard someone use the phrase "can of worms" to describe something that you don't want to do? But the real question is - has anyone actually ever OPENED a can of worms? And where, pray tell, do you buy such a thing? I checked Wal-Mart and even the guy in the big, blue "How may I help you?" T-shirt couldn't point me to the Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1136325015415510292006-01-03T16:47:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:15.780-05:00FIGHT BACK AGAINST THE PEANUT NAZISThe time has now come to rise up against the oppression of the Peanut Nazis. The next time an airline tries to foist you off with some dry, crushed bag of lousy pretzels, feel free to thrust it back in the face of the hapless attendant and say “So what about some damned peanuts, huh? What ever happened to Freedom of Choice? What about my First Amendment rights?”Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1136180052358236102006-01-02T00:09:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:15.616-05:00THE 2005 "WAG THE DOG" AWARD GOES TO: FOX'S WAR ON CHRISTMAS!In the spirit of Hollywood, which has an award ceremony for almost every possible facet of the industry - and week of the year - the Bystander is introducing the annual "Wag the Dog" award for the story that best demonstrates how the media really can invent any world it likes.In nothing more than a shameful, and blatant, promotional Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1134658362870359532005-12-15T09:11:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:15.465-05:00TWO SPACES AFTER A PERIOD? DEAD AS A DODOWelcome to the 21st century and the wonderful world of computers. These things are so damn smart that they can actually decide - almost consciously - how to space out the letters we write in a word processor. No, seriously, they can look at each letter in turn and space them so that things look just peachy.This contrasts with those 20th century pieces of Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1134498563177934752005-12-13T13:02:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:15.294-05:00STANLEY TOOKIE WILLIAMS: DEAD AT LAST, DEAD AT LAST, DEAD AT LAST.At what point does celebrity become more important that justice? The leader of the violent Crips gang kills four people and is now celebrated as some latter day innocent. Since the murders in 1979, time has managed to erase all his guilt and create a twisted martyrhood. The fact that the families of those slain have spent the last Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1134059896088336622005-12-08T11:13:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:15.115-05:00EVERYONE'S A LIAR - EXCEPT IRANSo there you have it. The vote is in. The doctrine of "tolerant Islam" is alive and well and spouting from the ignorant mouth of Iran's new President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. According to the scholarly ex-Revolutionary guardsman, the Holocaust thing didn't happen. Here's what he had to say;"Some European countries insist on saying that Hitler killed millions of Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1131835798814795002005-11-12T17:24:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.973-05:00HOW TO RESPOND TO UNSOLICITED CRAPPicking up the mail is one of those tasks that I have mixed feelings about doing. I enjoy receiving all the magazines I subscribe to, but hate all the letters asking for money. I also get irritated by the unsolicited stuff from folks who know nothing about me other than my address, culled from some anonymous list being hawked by unscrupulous shysters with no Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1131332637456376932005-11-06T21:26:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.805-05:00"GOVERNATOR" RUNNING SCARED OF BARE BREASTLast Friday afternoon, Judge Garland E. Burrell saved Northern Californians from a group of terrorists who threatened to rock the very foundations of democracy. The group, "Breasts Not Bombs," are ready to stand on the steps of Sacramento's capitol building on Monday 7th November, 2005, and subject anyone in range to severe fall-out - from their bras."Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1131120351502056302005-11-04T10:44:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.672-05:00IN GOD WE RUST: THE KANSAS QUARTER PHENOMENONIf you're an atheist, or at least have a sense of humor, check your pocket change. It appears that a small number of the new Kansas state quarters have been printed with the words "In God We Rust" on the front. Other variations include "In Od We Rust" and, moving to the bottom of the coin face, "E Pluribus Un."Skipping through the eBay listings (if youRussellnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1130548655665610922005-10-28T20:07:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.430-05:00CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?The Bystander has clearly been sleeping on the job lately because he failed to pick up on an exciting story from Lasi, Romania. According to the daily newspaper, 7 Plus, police picked up a woman stepping off a bus after passengers said she'd stolen a mobile phone. Unable to find any evidence of the missing item, they decided to make a call.A muted ring sounded - from under herRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1130549706643810962005-10-27T22:05:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.555-05:00YES, BUT IS IT REALLY ART?According to David St. Hubbins, lead singer with Spinal Tap, "There's a fine line between stupid and clever." There's also a fine line between Art and Crap - unless the Art is actually constructed from crap.Tomoko Takahashi is a Japanese artist living in Cardiff, Wales. And according to a report in the UK's Daily Telegraph (10/26/05), in an effort to produce a Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1129642239674020492005-10-18T07:42:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.287-05:00WRITING STYLE AND THE CURSE OF MULTILINGUALISM"Prefer the Saxon word to the Romance," said Henry Watson Fowler in his The King's English; "Anglo-Saxon is a livelier tongue than Latin, so use Anglo-Saxon words” offered William Strunk and Elwyn Brooks White in The Elements of Style. Good advice if you're Aelthelred the Unready, Edmund the First, or Alfred the Great, but much more difficult to Russellnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1129480134370312412005-10-16T10:55:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.139-05:00BRAINS BEFORE BRAWN - SOMETIMES BEING SMART IS BETTER"Excuse me, sir, but could you help me?" I was drinking coffee at my local java spot when the gal from behind the counter came toward me clutching a jar of pickles twice the size of my head. I sensed a Fox reality show physical challenge coming on.Just as I feared, she couldn't get the top off the new jar and thought I might have an answer, Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1129219537401827642005-10-13T10:38:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:14.013-05:00BAD PARENT - TAKE MY KIDSAfter working hard on me for some months now, the caring, compassionate people at General Motors have convinced me that I am indeed a bad parent. I hadn't realized until now just how negligent I have been and how much danger I am subjecting my sweet, innocent children to.The TV ads show it all: cherubic children with frowns of disapproval looking to camera and asking, "Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1129042396451550182005-10-11T09:37:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:13.883-05:00SO MUCH CRAP - HOW CAN THIS BE?I can't believe how much absolute drivel there is in the blogging world. My previous tirade against inanity still stands, but I can't help randomly selecting blogs and reading them in the same way you can't help picking the scab off a sore and then wonder why you keep bleeding.Here's a classic example of pseudo-philosophical, pretentious slurry that the writer Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1129000384589965492005-10-10T21:58:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:13.739-05:00SO WHAT'S THE TRICK WITH BLOGGING?Number one on the list of "skills you must have" is the dogged determination to write something day after day after day. As is evidenced by the majority of blogs, it doesn't particularly matter what you write as long as it is something. You new haircut; the cat's herpes; George W. Bush is stupid; how wonderful I am - all these things and more are typical fodder Russellnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1126490543282218702005-09-11T20:47:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:13.605-05:00WELL? DO YOU FEEL LUCKY, PUNK?There's a new game for googler to play. Forget googlewhacking, try "Do you feel lucky?" Here's the trick: type a single word into the Google search engine and instead of selecting "Google search," try the "I'm feeling lucky" instead.As of writing, typing in the word "failure" and then "I'm feeling lucky" takes you straight to the George W. Bush home page! Oh the Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1126275926103247512005-09-08T07:28:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:13.374-05:00LET'S GET THIS EXPLAINED LICKETY SPLITNew Orleans mayor, Ray Nagin, has taken to using the phrase lickety quick on a number of occasions. On September 1st, he said that we authorized $8 billion to go to Iraq lickety-quick; he also said we gave the president unprecedented powers lickety-quick; and in an interview with radio commentator, Glenn Beck, he used the phrase in three consecutive Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1126149767747616552005-08-20T21:59:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:13.212-05:00WHERE DID THE TIME GO?In truth, I'm time traveling. Not in the "mad-scientist-meets-dinosaur" way or "Ashton-Kutcher-has-brain-damage" fashion, but in a "I-can-fix-the-blog-post- date-to-whatever-I-like" manner. Sensing the need to spend a few minutes updating the Bystander, I discovered that my last posting was on 17th August - and today is 7th September.What happened to the time? Although it's Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1124290644970313962005-08-17T08:34:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:13.069-05:00HOW TO HANDLE NORTH KOREA: SEND IN THE STYLISTSWatching the action movie, Stealth, its impossible not to notice that the film-makers' quest for accuracy includes the almost uncannily perfect portrayal of North Korean style. When Jessica Biel crashes only twelve miles north of the South Korean border, it is apparent that her figure-hugging pants, complete with tight bondage straps, and sexy crop Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1123081021536427772005-08-03T07:00:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:12.907-05:00FEMININE HYGIENE PRODUCTS FOR MENGreater love hath no man for his daughter than to go shopping on her behalf for feminine hygiene products. Armed with nothing more than the instructions "it burns" and "pain," off he dutifully goes in search of a cure.So here's question number one for all you ladies out there: Is 8:00 a.m. the usual time for you all to go en masse to buy feminine products? Why is Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1122924478989913052005-08-01T13:48:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:12.759-05:00THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF BLOGGING CRAP OUT HEREFor those of us who are egotistical, self-serving, narcissists - or Bloggers - there's nothing like the almost masturbatory pleasure of reading ones work posted for all to see. Safe in our assumption that millions of people the world over are eagerly awaiting our next morsel of wit and wisdom, we continue to spew out seemingly endless amounts of text Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1122337502911298762005-07-25T18:57:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:12.600-05:00GEICO'S GECKO HAS STICKY FINGERS - ALL THE BETTER FOR GRASPINGFool me once - shame on you. After watching the cute gecko on the Geico commercials, I was sucked into hitting the web site to see him doing the robot. I should have suspected something amiss when I discovered intially that there was no dancing gecko. Still, they did offer a great quote on my motorcycle insurance that appeared to be Russellnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1121836280899590372005-07-19T23:34:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:12.471-05:00MOVE OVER MCDOUGALL - THE MCDONALD'S DIET IS HEREMorgan Spurlock's movie, Super Size Me, caused something of a mini-sensation when it was released in 2004. In the film, Spurlock revealed that by following a diet of only items available at McDonald's and accepting the super-sized portion if it was offered, he added 25 lbs in 30 days and saw his blood cholesterol go through the proverbial roof. Of Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1121455234465454732005-07-15T13:53:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:12.208-05:00US LITERACY LEVEL DECLININGLate last night, I developed an urge for a nice piece of cheddar. I knew there was some in an unopened packet in the refrigerator. So I took it out and tore open the resealable bag.What caught my eye was some writing on the packaging: "America spell cheese K*R*A*F*T" Mmmh, I don't think so. I believe America spells cheese "c*h*e*e*s*e," otherwise, the label would have Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1121390109670040472005-07-14T19:35:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:12.063-05:00POPE READY TO GO BACK TO BOOK BURNING?It seems like the new Pope Benedict XVI isn't going to be lining up to buy a first copy of the imminent Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. Nor is he likely to be attending the release of the next Harry Potter movie dressed as a wizard (you know the look - long robes, pointy hat, big stick. Oh wait, maybe he will!)German writer, Gabriele Kuby, has writtenRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1120887644712631172005-07-09T00:21:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:11.915-05:00IT'S OFFICIAL - THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON; OR AT LEAST BEATEN SNOOP DOGGAs the plucky Brits were getting out of their beds on Friday morning, then hopping on the buses as usual in order to get to work, Snoop Doggy Dogg was doing his bit to fight the war on terror: he cancelled his up-coming concert in Manchester, UK. Clearly Snoop is having delusions of grandeur, imagining that he is the sort of Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1120661477913908852005-07-06T07:15:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:11.781-05:00NASA'S $300 MILLION BLUNDER - PERHAPSAfter the semi-success of the movie "Deep Impact," NASA felt compelled to provide the definitive 2005 remake in the form of their Deep Impact probe. Aimed at the poor, defenseless comet, Tempel 1, Deep Impact smacked into the heart of the wandering body only a few days ago, the purpose of which was either to gain invaluable knowledge about the composition of Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1120105462848380812005-06-29T23:16:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:11.645-05:00MORE FINGER-LICKIN' OFFERINGS - THIS TIME FROM APPLEBEESHot (or more accurately cold) on the trail of the finger-enhanced bowl of chili from Wendy's, a woman in New Orleans is suing Applebees restaurant for allegedly serving her a salad with a deceased digit plopped on top. As with the Wendy's case, no-one has yet stepped - or screamed - forward to claim their finger back.May Deal Chambers Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1120103590505890372005-06-29T22:32:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:11.502-05:00PETA PROTESTS PISCINE PERSECUTIONPETA's hardline nutballs are out in force to make sure diners at a restaurant in Long Beach, California, don't offend fish. The impious instigator of this action is the Aquarium of the Pacific, and popular SoCal tourist destination. And after a hard afternoon of touring surrounded by plaice, hake, cod, salmon, and many others, what could be more relaxing than to Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1119848203111179102005-06-26T23:03:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:11.385-05:00HOW TO BURN A FLAG WITHOUT OFFENDING ANYONEFor most thinking individuals, a flag is a piece of cloth with pretty colors that is supposed to stand for a set of ideals, principles, or whatever the designer of the flag wants. According to Semiotic Theory (and I am simplifying things a little here because I am NOT Umberto Eco nor the reincarnation of Charles Peirce)the flag is a signifier and the Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1119326329781594182005-06-20T22:16:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:11.270-05:00HOW TO TELL IF SHE'S FAKING ITMen are simple creatures. They are motivated by only three factors; sex, food, and money. And the only reason they want money is to get more sex and food. This basic simplicity is also reflected in their sexual physiology - specifically in relation to orgasms. Considering that the only really value of men is to produce sperm (and chase spiders out of bathrooms) Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1116859158350415652005-05-23T09:20:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:11.136-05:00GETTING THE COUNTRY OFF ITS KNEES - OR BACK ON THEM?In the US, one of the options for dealing with the unemployed homeless is to ship them to California, preferably Santa Monica, where they may still be homeless, but they can at least look tanned and healthy.But in Dresden, Germany, local businesswoman Silvia Rau has another option for keeping the unemployed off the street: subsidised sex. At theRussellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1116476729310637952005-05-18T23:20:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:10.861-05:0099.9% ISN'T GOOD ENOUGHStanding at the urinal, taking care of business, I noticed that the soap available for the post-urination ablutions confidently proclaimed it would kill 99.9% of all germs. That many, huh?But it isn't those 99.9% that you have to worry about; it's the other 0.1% that live on. Think about it - you've managed to kill off the pathetically weak germs, living only the strong Russellnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5903497.post-1116475924253651442005-05-18T22:52:00.000-05:002006-11-09T03:20:10.722-05:00THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens." So what's so great about finding raindrops on roses? All that means is that the weather's too wet to lie outside in the sun. And what's so special about whiskers on kittens? Let's be honest, if you snipped off a cat's whiskers, would you notice? I think not.No, for truly admirable, I recommend the dandelion. Yes, Russellnoreply@blogger.com0